Ace Redford's Journal
by RaduGeorge
Summary: The journal of a 28 year old man that lives in San Andreas and looks to turn what is left of his life around. The main character goes through many changes in his perception of life and what is right or wrong, having to face fate at every corner and walk out with his head held high. Also the mistakes he's done in the past are there to haunt him at each step.
1. 22-April-2014

22-April-2014

It's been two weeks now since I lost my original journal. Maybe that's the thing with going old style sometimes; things are easier to lose when having to carry them in hand rather than just send them over from one computer to another. But I still prefer the old pen and a piece of paper in front of me rather than a plastic keyboard and the cold light coming from a computer screen.

I started selling some of the things I managed to collect in San Andreas so far, amongst which my cabin in Fort Carson. I needed to move to a larger house if I am to take care of a baby girl, even if on my own if I have to. Also I know that if I had to fight for that child in court, a cabin with a single room wouldn't seem like the best place to raise a child. Besides, I couldn't stay there anymore… even after so long, the house still smelled like _her_.

Seems like I'll be sleeping in my office until I manage to sell my truck as well and maybe a few other things, then maybe I'd afford a better house. I would like to buy a house here in San Fierro, somewhere in Ocean Flats maybe. That really seems like a nice, peaceful neighborhood, and although San Fierro is not as peaceful as Fort Carson or other small towns in the North, it's still ten times better than the rush hours in Los Santos. I think a little girl would live to grow up in such a neighborhood.

Amongst the cabin, old combat armours and other stuff, I sold the last gun from my stash today. And I hope I don't have to see such a weapon again, or any weapon for that matter. I'm done with violence; I'm done with judging who deserves to live and who deserves to die. After all, it's easy to take a life; it's much harder to give life. Some that are alive deserve death, some that are dead deserve life… can any of us give it to them? No one should ever judge in life or death.

Now sitting here at night in my office, everything seems a bit calmer. Although yesterday I was ready to end my life, now thinking about my daughter that is about to get born I found something to fight for and have a reason to make plans for the future. And I will do my best to make sure all those plans come true, for me and for her.

* * *

**A note from the author: This is the first entry in Ace Redford's journal, a character built over two years of role play on a San Andreas Multiplayer. However this story does not belong to the year San Andreas is supposed to exist in, but the curent modern world and time. This will remain as a journal, and I will try to make as many entries in it as days of actual role play of the character. Enjoy reading.**

**Radu George**


	2. 23-April-2014

23-April-2014

Today I was close to making a few bad deals when selling what I have left to dispose of, yet I managed to back down from each bad deal. But that still leaves me with things I need to sell and not enough money to afford a better house. But I guess that will come in time. I still have somewhere around four months until the baby is born, so there is enough time to get me settled. I just can't wait to actually be fully settled and then look for more business opportunities.

I talked to Tyrone today… at first he was reluctant to it, but he wanted to hear me out after all. Given all that we've been through, he felt like he owed me that much. I told him that me and Sakura broke up-… well; she broke up with me to be more precise. It wasn't like I didn't try to do it myself three times before, but each time just seeing her face I couldn't get the words that needed be said out of my mouth. I just couldn't bear losing her. Well, it seemed easier for her since it took her one attempt to do so.

Tyrone thought that I was on her and Ryan's side. I told him that never since I came back was I on their side, that's what tore us apart after all. She feared too much to be taken as a joke, to be stepped over, and thought that only trough power one can overcome those that try to step over you. I agreed to that, but it was different types of power we had in mind. I thought that trough the power of an opened mind and soul one can accomplish that, she thought it was trough the power of guns and influence, and who can do more damage to the opposite side.

I actually waited to see if he says it himself before expressing my opinion that Ryan poisoned Sakura's mind to a point where I couldn't help her anymore. And he did, Tyrone said it out loud with his own mouth. That gives me some peace of mind and another concern at the same time. At least now I know I was right, and it wasn't just me thinking that he influenced her in a very bad way, but he actually dug his nails so deep into her that it was too late to change something. But at the same time it brings me more guilt thinking that maybe if I would have intervened at the right time, maybe I could have showed her the errors of her ways. But would she have listened?

After hearing the story of how it went down from my own mouth, Tyrone stopped thinking that I abandoned him and our friendship for what it meant. He actually said that I should have let him kill Ryan when he had the chance. I know now that it wouldn't have been the right thing to do. Taking the seat of the killer yourself just to bring down the former tyrant is no improvement at all. But I do sometimes come to question it… would it really not have been much easier if we would have killed Ryan when we had the chance? Maybe Sakura would have understood what she was signing up for; maybe she would have opened her eyes. And not only that… all the contracts Ryan took out, all those people he killed, some of them along with Sakura. All the people he is going to kill in the future… I claim that human life is the most precious thing, and that no one has the right to take that, but what if another human life comes in the balance? What if ten do? Or one hundred for that matter...

I don't think it matters anymore. Not to me at least. Call me a coward, but I won't become a killer again, and I very well know that I could try to reason with that man for days in a row, he wouldn't change. I actually wondered if I am not the bad guy in all of this. Sakura told me he is supportive of her and cares for her. Maybe it wasn't just the fact that I decided to live a peaceful life, but the fact that I stopped seeming so caring and supportive. One thing I know, I always cared for her. God knows I still do… but how could I have been supportive if I knew she was on her way to killing the innocent girl I fell in love with all those years before?

I know there is few I can do now. I know there is not much sense in felling sorry for myself, or for her in the matter. One thought though is very persistent besides the feelings I have for her that still come haunting me. I managed to drive my thoughts away from that (without any alcohol surprisingly enough) while thinking about my only goal left in life, and that is taking care of my baby girl that will be born in four months. Tough even that comes with a bad thought. Just thinking about how my child grows inside of her, while Ryan, the one that poisoned her mind so much is having sex with her. I swear to God I try to avoid that thought as often as possible, but I can't deny that it absolutely makes me sick to the point where I find myself puking my guts out like I myself were pregnant.

One thing is for certain, although I couldn't save her, every day I find more and more signs of hope for others. Today I think I managed to make Tyrone share my way of thinking when it comes to all the violence and killings. He wants to think the same; I can see it in his eyes. I can sense it in his words that he's had enough, that he's had enough nights of guilt and enough blood on his hands. I know he wants it to end, I know he wants peace. And with God as my witness I will do my best to help him find it. It's a good sign. If two professional killers like us can find peace, then anyone can. I know very well that not everyone wants it tough.

Tyrone said we should start hanging out together again, all of us. Him, me, Olivia, Arthur, Nathaniel… I don't know that much about the rest, but last I heard Arthur was well on his way of starting a peaceful life as well. He thinks of starting up an Ammunation, which seems like a good business to me as long as he only sells legal items. Also I am currently helping him in his presidential campaign. But I will write more about that tomorrow, as I already feel exhausted today. I will be sleeping at Tyrone's place until I manage to buy a house. I really appreciated the gesture, not only that I don't have to sleep in my office, but there is someone to see in the morning that doesn't make me feel so alone.


	3. 24-April-2014

24-April-2014

I don't even know where to start from… one thing is for certain, this one hell of day.

I had a surprise this morning, which if you stop to think about was actually an expected surprise, if something like that even exists. I got the finished divorce papers through the mail today. It's not a surprised that I wasn't called to sign anything, and that is because some one week after I married Sakura, I went to the city hall and filed a pre-signed divorce paper. It might seem odd, why would someone want to do something like that, but I left that pre-signed divorce paper along with a letter which explained my actions. In that letter I told her that this way I spare her a lot of trouble if maybe I change at some point or for any other reason she does not wish to be with me anymore. I told her in that letter that most likely I would not have been able to let go of her, therefore getting me to sign something like that in a dark hour would be something very hard to do.

That leaves me with two things I know almost for certain. One is the fact that given how she likes to leave things for the last possible moment, she and Ryan most likely got married the night before. But besides this I know one more thing, and that is the fact that she found my letter, where over and over again like all the other letters from the past I've left her I go saying how much I care for her and all those romantic lines that we grew up with. But I don't think it made any difference, since I still got that finished divorce paper and most likely she and Ryan are now married.

At least that was what troubled me this morning, and to be honest I thought that would actually be the only major thing I will be writing down this night. That until I got a strange text message while I was doing a few runs with Tyrone to gather some materials we needed. The message itself did not sound so odd, only if my phone wouldn't have recognized the number as belonging to a specific Christian Freeman. It wouldn't have been so odd if I didn't know that person to be dead, more than a month ago, out of the words of Ryan himself, and apparently at his own hand.

So I replied to the text and asked repeatedly who was I speaking to. Until the reply came and I felt my fingers on the phone's keyboard numbing. "Christian Freeman". Of course at starting I didn't believe it, so I told him to come to my office at Missionary Hill. Me and Tyrone drove there as fast as we could, he couldn't believe what I was telling him on the way there either. Until we reached the front gates of Tyrone's complex at Missionary Hill and saw a figure dressed up in torn clothes like the poorest hobo from Los Santos. What made a very odd contrast was the fact that the apparent hobo was driving a NRG 500, the fastest motorcycle known in San Andreas.

So we got out of our car and approached the driver. I kept staring his face down, until I managed to see that pass all that mud and scars, it was indeed the face of my old rival and later ally, Christian Freeman. I don't even recall my words in from moment; I was absolutely shocked to see him alive. One think was for certain, almost like always, Christian was on the run. He couldn't talk then, so he told me to wait for him to contact me. The next moment he just disappeared on his motorcycle down the hill.

Me and Tyrone had to split up after that, he had some business to do with the Richmans, asked me to tell him the story later when he'd get home. So I waited alone in my office. God that waiting was killing me; I think I actually dug a trench in front of my desk just from walking around anxiously. He texted me after some one hour, asked me where I was. I called him to meet me at my office once more. I knew he was familiar with the place, as the lot now owned by Tyrone was previously owned by a group of assassins called The Brotherhood, many of them from the hitman agency.

After he got here I managed to pay more attention to his looks and attire. He smelled as if he didn't take a shower for two months, his clothes were torn up; he was covered in mud… I actually asked him not to sit down because it would have taken me ages to get that smell out of the chairs. It would take me a lot to explain the exchange of words that went on between us, so I will simply have Jasmine write down the exact quotes with minor actions and everything, as everything was recorded by my portable computer and stored into the database of my artificial intelligence.

**Ace Redford**: Try not to sit down. Those chairs are really hard to wash.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: That's rude you cunt.

*Christian Freeman slowly takes out a joint from his pocket as he then uses a Zippo lighter to set its tip on fire.*  
**  
Ace Redford**: What the hell happened to you? Put that out for God's sake!  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Want one too?  
**  
Ace Redford**: No... Now put it out.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Why?  
**  
Ace Redford**: Because we need to discuss, after that you can get as high as the Empire State Building.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: What do you want to talk about?

*Ace Redford reaches towards the desk and takes a whiskey glass in hand, offering it to Christian afterwards.*

*Christian Freeman slowly lets out a sigh as he takes another puff from the joint before throwing it inside the glass.*

*Ace Redford towards the desk once more and places the glass down on its surface.*

**Ace Redford**: First I want to know what happened to you.

*Ace Redford reaches towards his glasses and takes them off his head, clipping them to his shirt.*  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Well-… my old company fucked me over because of Ryan. All my cars are gone, my house is gone, and I had to hide. Took drugs to relieve the pain I got when I was tortured.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Why did he come after you?

**Christian Freeman**: He hates me. He never came after me personally though. He only got me fired.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Well he brags to have killed you.

**Christian Freeman**: So what do you want to talk about? Look at me, I'm just a fucking hobo trying to get weed to relieve me from my pain.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Cut that crap and pull yourself together Christian. Ryan fucked us all up, me especially.

**Christian Freeman**: Hmph?

**Ace Redford**: Christian... He corrupted Sakura. She's with him now, and he's teaching her to be a hitman.

**Christian Freeman**: You got dumped? It's a hard life. Anyway did you really make me put out my joint for this?  
**  
Ace Redford**: I don't know... I don't care about myself, but more of what he's turning her into.

**Christian Freeman**: And you want me to help her? Look at me! She fucking hates me too. You seriously think that I give a fuck about someone that hates me?  
**  
Ace Redford**: She doesn't hate you Christian, she just used you. I'm sorry to tell you that, but better you hear it from me than from Ryan.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Used, hate… It's the same.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Not really, but I get your point. So you think Ryan will come after you?

**Christian Freeman**: Nah', he's too high up to deal with shit like this. Only lower people from the company.

**Ace Redford**: You could always come with us; Richmans have no love for the Company.

*Christian Freeman slowly takes off his jacket as he shows Ace his abdomen. His entire stomach would be covered completely with scars, fire burns of the highest degree, gun wounds, knife wounds and sword wounds.*

*Ace Redford looks away briefly and then nods twice after seeing this.*  
**  
Christian Freeman**: And two months ago there wasn't shit on my stomach. Well maybe one or two bullet wounds.

*Christian Freeman slowly closes his jacket again and sigs afterwards.*  
**  
Christian Freeman**: You should hope that I never see Sakura. Because I'm planning to kill her if I see her again.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Christian... she's pregnant.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: I'll personally give her an abortion then. One of the reasons my life is currently like this is because of her.  
**  
Ace Redford**: That's my child we're talking about…  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Do you think that I care about you, Sakura or your child?!

**Ace Redford**: You think it wasn't hard for me? For the moment I'm here to help you, and I'm telling you I know what you're going trough.

**Christian Freeman**: Shut the fuck up and don't talk about hard. What you had to go through is nothing compared to me.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Christian you have any idea how it is to know you've lost person you loved and still love most in your life?!  
**  
Christian Freeman**: It happened more than once to me. I even had to kill people I loved! Don't you dare thing we are the same!  
**  
Ace Redford**: Fine, we'll drop the topic then and assume you're going trough far worse. So what are you going to do in that case?  
**  
Christian Freeman**: You should just wait. Eventually the Company will fire Ryan. Then hope that the new person in charge of San Andreas doesn't let Ryan work for him. When that time comes you can finish him without problems.  
**  
Ace Redford**: I'm not looking for revenge Christian. I've put my guns down, for good. All I care about right now is taking care of my baby girl that is about to get born. And help as many people as I can.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: You're just scared that Sakura will hate you if you kill Ryan. But in the meantime you cry to others about corruption. Want to take care of your baby girl? Then kidnap Sakura, take her away from Ryan. That way she can't be ''corrupted''. By the way, the entire time I was hanging with Sakura trying to get her I had a girl friend. I knew she was using me, but I allowed her that to try and get closer to her. Sorry to tell you but I was aiming for her, do you seriously think that I was that dumb not to notice all her actions? I just tried to get a second bitch, because the first one started to bore me out.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Right... so you're trying to get me to give up on you as well, right? Well that ain't goanna' happen.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: I don't care if you give up on me or not. There's only one thing I want, and that's to ride on a NRG and smoke weed.  
**  
Ace Redford**: You really think you can do that forever?  
**  
Christian Freeman**: 'Till I die-… Yes.

**Ace Redford**: And don't you think all you did in life, all the torture and all you've been trough would be in vain if you did that?  
**  
Christian Freeman**: The only thing I did all my life long was, rape, murder, torture, leading gangs and starting gang wars. Thousands of people's life got ruined because of me. The torture that I went through was karma. Trying to cheat on my girlfriend with Sakura got my life fucked up, it was all karma.  
**  
Ace Redford**: It's not too late if you want to turn your life around you know...

**Christian Freeman**: Come on? What do you want me to do? I never even finished high school, I was a con-artist when I was young, I was a leader of a huge gang when I was a teenager, and I was a hitman when I was an adult.  
**  
Ace Redford**: That doesn't have to define your life tough.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: It clearly does.

**Ace Redford**: Just in your head. You just didn't realize there can actually be more to life than power and murder.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: My childhood friend, the person I loved died in my hands because of a gang war. My previous girlfriend was killed by my own hands because of a hit. My mother took her own life when she heard I got sent to Juvenile Hall.  
**  
Ace Redford**: And what are you now Christian? What do you do right now for a living?

**Christian Freeman**: I'm a drug addicted hobo. The only thing I do now is ride on a stolen NRG remembering my glorious past.  
**  
Ace Redford**: I rest my case. If there isn't a lot more opportunity to start over from that rank rather than from the rank of a current hitman, then I don't know where it could be. Right… and how easy it would be to start fresh.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: It's impossible for me. What do you want me to become? A cop? Stop joking…  
**  
Ace Redford**: Oh, believe me I have no more love for corrupt law enforcement officers than I have for gangsters. Ever considered being a salesman? I plan to start a firm myself, that's why I bought this office.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Ah come on! Me… a salesman? That's a fucking joke.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Arthur is thinking of starting an Ammunation. I think you would fit perfectly there.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Yes, let's give a drug addict a job in an Ammunation.

**Ace Redford**: Also he's running for president in case you haven't heard. Maybe he can offer you a place in the government.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Yes, a drugs addict working in the government. That's such an improvement.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Dude, you're on pot. It's shown that it doesn't even give addiction.

**Christian Freeman**: Do you seriously think that I'm only on pot? Also on crack, heroine, weed and LSD.  
**  
Ace Redford**: I seriously think that two weeks or so in rehab would do wonders. I know a doctor that will get them out of your head and most likely bang you 24/7 as well.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: It's been a while since I had a good layed...

**Ace Redford**: Well, you go to rehab, and I'll make sure you get layed. That's if you change those clothes and get a shower tough.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: That's way too awkward, so no thanks.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Your call. But you could still use the rehab.

**Christian Freeman**: The point is, I'm over with fucking chicks that don't love me or I don't love. Last time I tried that my life went to shit. You can thank your ex-wife for that improvement.

**Ace Redford**: What do you know; she does a few good deeds every now and then as well. Unconsciously of course...  
**  
Christian Freeman**: You were right so I guess I should go to the rehab facility then, but only once to check it out because I owe you one.  
**  
Ace Redford**: You owe me nothing Christian, You owe yourself. You'll see it that way one day maybe. Say what… get off the drugs and then give me a call, and then we'll work on finding you a normal job.

*Christian Freeman slowly moves his hand into his jacket and takes out a joint, quickly lighting it using the Zippo lighter and starting to take small puffs from the joint.*  
**  
Christian Freeman**: I needed that.

At this point I actually felt like I was losing all hope for him. But something happened that moment that I did not expect. I was simply standing there two feet from him and looking at him as he was smoking that join, when it actually hit me… I smoked pot before, I had my dark days as well, but the smell coming from his joint was not even remotely that of pot, but that of simple tobacco weeds.

*Ace Redford tilts his head slightly as he looks at Christian and approaches him slowley.*

**Ace Redford**: Alright, I changed my mind... now I want a smoke as well.

*Christian Freeman slowly reveals a shocked facial expression as he drops the joint on the ground and stamps on it with his foot.*  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Oops-… I can't believe how shaky my hands are.

**Ace Redford**: No worries. Jasmine, please do an analysis of the current fumes present in the air of the compound, tell me what you find and leave out the normal ones.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: How come? You don't trust me?

**Artificial Intelligence**: Analysis completed. The only fume that could be detected was smoke that originates from the smoking of tobacco leaves.  
**  
Ace Redford**: You know, I would actually applaud the act if I saw any sense in it.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Ehh'? What are you talking about?  
**  
Ace Redford**: Nothing... just let me check something.

**Christian Freeman**: Sure-…

*Ace Redford turns around towards the bar; taking the whiskey glass that Christian used to dispose of his first joint, taking out the joint and reaching towards his pocket, taking out his own Zippo lighter and using it to set the tip of the joint on fire. After taking four puffs from the joint, Ace throws it back inside the glass and turns towards Christian.*  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Don't tell me that that is a cigarette too! If it is I'm going to fucking kill that nigger that scammed me!  
**  
Ace Redford**: Sure, you know. I would have thought you at least respected me enough to realize when it's time to cut the act.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: You really are a fucking drug addict…  
**  
Ace Redford**: I had my share...  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Didn't expect to get my cover blown so soon. You gave my quite some information about Sakura and Ryan though. That's probably the only reason I came here. Sorry for being such a liar.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Well. I guess you did what you do best. So what are you planning to do now?

**Christian Freeman**: First take a shower, I'm covered in some fucked up shit. Then put on my own clothes.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Glad to hear that.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Maybe try and contact Olivia when she's in town. Because man, I haven't had a good fuck in years. And I guess I'll kill Sakura or Ryan when I see them. Not going out of my way to find them though, I'm too lazy for that. But you know everything I said tonight was the truth except for the drugs, homeless thing.  
**  
Ace Redford**: And how exactly do you plan to kill Ryan? He's still the head of the Agency.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Man. The directors are all bullshit. They are almost never guarded, and just openly walk around. As long as you don't try to find them you can easily catch him. The moment you try looking for him you're fucked though.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Alright, at this point maybe I should tell you just how many relations he's got in F.B.I. and other L.E.O. factions

**Christian Freeman**: Do you think that I care about a few years in jail?  
**  
Ace Redford**: Do you think they would come to arrest you? Or put a bullet in your head?

**Christian Freeman**: A bullet in my head is fine with me too, I already told you about all the shit I've done. I deserve a death penalty, don't I?  
**  
Ace Redford**: I wouldn't know. I don't judge in life or death anymore. I told you, I've put my guns down.

**Christian Freeman**: To be honest if I had nothing left in my life I would put a bullet in my own head. But well, I love driving on a NRG, and I still need to kill two people. It doesn't matter when, sooner or later I'll get them. And except for revenge I don't have anything else to live for.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Let me ask you one thing then. Once you actually have revenge? What's next since there would be nothing to live for anymore?  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Probably death. I mean killing the boss of The Company… I'm quite sure I'll be death after I do that. So why even think about what I want to do after that?  
**  
Ace Redford**: Well, I just hope one day you'll understand you don't really have to lie to me to find something out.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Do you seriously think that we'll have another conversation like this? I got the information I want, there's no reason for me to have a fucked up serious conversation like this with you.  
**  
Ace Redford**: I wouldn't have thought after the last one either. Yet fate seems to have its own mind.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: There's only one thing I don't understand. How the fucks are you not agitated after all the insults I threw to Sakura? Saying I'll kill her... How the fuck are you not mad at me. Don't you love her?

**Ace Redford**: Well first of all there is the matter of probabilities. There is a small change that you would actually accomplish that. Another thing is... what use would there be in getting mad? As I said, I've put my guns down. I couldn't really kill you to prevent that.

**Christian Freeman**: It's quite hilarious that you think there's a small chance that I succeed. Does she die when she has a bullet between her eyes?

**Ace Redford**: Well I could always go to Ryan if I considered you really had a chance. Or to her and spare me seeing that monster. I am pretty convinced that only telling one of them about your plans would get you six feet under in less than twelve hours. But we wouldn't want that, would we?  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Have you ever considered this? Have you ever considered that she was using you too?  
**  
Ace Redford**: Every day my friend... every day. She's still got my child inside of her for four months. And I still love her.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: And you think that she will just give the child to you?  
**  
Ace Redford**: Well, if she doesn't… I don't really have all those cameras and bugs on her for nothing.

**Christian Freeman**: You actually still got those?  
**  
Ace Redford**: Indeed, all of them, and making more every day She still wears the earrings. You have any idea what it would do in a courthouse if I showed how she and Ryan were murdering people for contracts? Who would that child be entrusted to you think? Her?...  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Man you are fucked up. Oh my god! Do that! That's fucking hilarious! Please sue them. That's going to be fucking hilarious. You know what… I'll be nice for you. Tomorrow I'll go and meet Sakura and talk to her without killing her. I actually want to check out that ''corrupted girl''. If she is really that then I'll let her live. I mean a horrible life is fucking hilarious. At least if that life is from someone else.  
**  
Ace Redford**: You know, I really do intend to bring this in court if I have to…  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Well, I hope that you have a god-father ready for your child in that case, because you'll die. Putting him in jail will surely get you killed.  
**  
Ace Redford**: I'll take my chances. It doesn't have to go that far if she leaves me the baby willingly. After all I am not looking to hide the child from her; I just want her to never leave my side. I can't risk the baby growing up like her mother is now, or being influenced by Ryan for that matter.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: I can't believe that you only think about the baby. The first thing that is on my mind would be getting my chick back. I mean she still wears those earrings right? Knowing that they're bugged. She must still love you.

**Ace Redford**: I think about her every day Christian-…

After that last line, he did something I did not expect. But then again, I learned to expect pretty much anything from Christian. He suddenly charged towards me and punched me in the face, sending me with my back over the desk. Before I realized what was happening my artificial intelligence (Jasmine) was already sounding the alarm and putting the whole lot under lockdown, alerting every Richman in the area about the conflict. I got up rapidly and tried to regain my senses, telling Jasmine not to perform those actions as they were not needed.

Just as I was expecting him to calm down after that, he kept up his guard as if really wanting to fight, giving me short punches every now and then. I remained calm to this and eventually decided to take action. I placed my guns down, but that doesn't mean I gave up every single measure of self defense as well. So I slowly reached behind my shirt, making sure he does not notice this and while using my left hand to keep up my guard, I used the right one to take out my contact tazer and pinned it right to the side of his neck. Given that I delivered a shock to that specific side of his spine, he should have passed out immediately, but instead he simply stopped punching me, looking to me with a sick smile on his face and murmuring a few words. "That's it, don't be such a pussy and stand up for yourself-… There's no way you can get Sakura back if you act like such a pussy like you did just now."

After that he finally fell unconscious to the ground, after being constantly electrocuted while giving that speech. At first I didn't really know what to do with him. Get him to a hospital? Try to get him into rehab just to get some revenge for how he played me with the drugs? Eventually I decided to carry him outside and put him in the back seat of my car (that reminds me I need to get that smell out of the seats). I took him for a drive; eventually we ended up at another one of Tyrone's properties, the former head quarters of the Henchman family. I don't really know why I took him there, maybe it was because of the fact that the Henchmans were not only murderers, but actual cannibals, and there were still corpses left on the lot, some even in the refrigerator, and the whole lot was surrounded by a huge graveyard. I think I took him there because I needed a reminder of why I chose o stop killing people for good, a reminder of what I wanted to avoid.

I waited by the car for him to wake up while smoking a cigarette, I couldn't really stay inside the car with the smell that was coming from Christian, it's bad enough that I had to leave all the windows opened and that smell was still reaching me outside. I will relate to you now the conversation that followed after he woke up.

**Christian Freeman**: Fuck you! I hit you and you fucking taze me! Jesus Christ what a cunt you are! Hmmm… that's actually fucking genius.  
**  
Ace Redford**: The best resolution of every conflict is the one that brings minimal damage to both sides Christian.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: So how did it feel releasing some anger? As revenge you got to let fresh air in this car for ages.  
**  
Ace Redford**: I think you didn't notice that I was in fact calm during the whole thing.

**Christian Freeman**: Man you got to release some anger. Why the fuck do you think I hit you? You are such a huge pussy.  
**  
Ace Redford**: You want to know why me and Sakura really broke up? Besides Ryan that is…  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Sure, why not?

**Ace Redford**: When I came back, not long before you showed up... I was changed. I wanted to leave all that blood and rage behind me. I didn't want any more blood on my hands. I wanted to stop being the judge of who lives and who dies. I found that there is an alternative to all the fighting Christian. I tried to show it to her. But Ryan already got to her and pulled her in the other direction.

**Christian Freeman**: You said that it wouldn't involve Ryan. Boom! Ryan joins the story.

**Ace Redford**: Very well... ignore that. I couldn't convince her to see the way I did. That's the bottom line of it. She was already heading in the opposite direction.

**Christian Freeman**: She saw things the way you do now long before you started. She didn't want to fight. Yet she changed now.  
**  
Ace Redford**: I don't want to go back to that Christian... there is an alternative to all of this. There is peace to be found in this world as well, it doesn't all have to be a struggle. I know, I've lived it, I am living it. Hard, but I am doing my best.

I think that was actually the only time he listened to me and to what I had to say since I saw him today, as it was the only time when he didn't give me an instant reply, as if this time he actually really considered my words and thought about how it would be like. He asked me to drive him back to San Fierro afterwards. And he kept silent trough half the drive, until he opened up a final exchange of words.

**Christian Freeman**: So, Ace… what do you actually think about Ryan?  
**  
Ace Redford**: That he's a murderer. And that he corrupted the person I still to this moment love with all my heart.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: And what do you think about me? I'm the same as him aren't I? A murdered, I tried to corrupt the person you love. Why do you not hate me but you do hate Ryan?  
**  
Ace Redford**: You bailed out before doing that and you know it.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Actually Sakura screwed me over before I managed to do that-…  
**  
Ace Redford**: Yes… maybe the reason I hate him is because he actually succeeded.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: And how do you think about Sakura? The old one… the corrupt one…

**Ace Redford**: I still love her. But I am well aware that she is on her way to killing that innocent girl I fell in love with all those years back.

**Christian Freeman**: Let's say she turns corrupted completely and follows Ryan to become a hitman. Would you still love her?  
**  
Ace Redford**: I don't know. I haven't figured out a way to stop loving her to be honest. So to answer your question, yes… somewhere in my heart I still think I would love her.

**Christian Freeman**: How does she think about you now? The old secret agent, government assigned assassin… and the new pussy Ace?

**Ace Redford**: Well she stopped me from killing myself three days ago… long story. So I still think she cares to a degree.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: And how do you think she thinks about Ryan? You've been with her since childhood so you must know the answer.  
**  
Ace Redford**: I think she might actually love him. She tells me that he is supportive with her and cares about her… That's why I don't step in.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Aaaaand… that's wrong! Sakura wears the earrings with your cameras inside while Ryan commits serious felonies in front of her. And she loves him? While showing you all that? Does that add up to you?  
**  
Ace Redford**: She most likely wears those earrings because she knows as a last resort I would be there to save her if I saw trough those hidden cameras that she was in danger.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Man, you are an idiot. She would at least hide the earrings in her pocket in that case right? So she can still call for help when needed.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Okay Christian... Let's say she still has feelings for me... What do you propose I do?

**Christian Freeman**: For now nothing. If you ask me it's farther than your nose is long. Do you want to know what I think about all this?  
**  
Ace Redford**: Shoot.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Did you ever consider Ryan forcing her to be with him? Let's say something like "I'll kill your husband if you don't". If you count everything in then it adds up to something like that, wearing the earrings in front of Ryan, saving your life when you try to kill yourself.  
**  
Ace Redford**: Let's say it's a possibility. What do you suggest I do?  
**  
Christian Freeman**: You know the thing I said about not having anything else except for revenge… that's still true. Let's have a talk the next time after I speak with Sakura. Because there's no way she'd seriously fall in love with Ryan. She'd either make use of him trying to get in the company or something like I said earlier. I mean there's one thing I know for sure, that she had no reason to use you. I mean you were an asshole, overprotective, a pussy, a gang leader. While she was a pacifistic bitch that sometimes used people. But there was no reason to use you, so it's clear that she actually loved you. So why would she leave without a warning, taking a 180 degrees turn and become a hitman? While she is pregnant of the man she loved and took care of her?  
**  
Ace Redford**: Security? Power?... In her mind those people that she is asked to kill actually deserve to die. She already feels like she is above the law, and she knows who deserves to live and who deserves to die.  
**  
Christian Freeman**: Power-… Hmm, I had quite a lot of power back then. I even had a Hunter and I showed it to Sakura. So it isn't power or security, otherwise she'd be on my lap now-…  
**  
Ace Redford**: Alright! Let me ask you something now… let's say it's true, and she still loves me, and I know I still love her. And you are trying to find out if it really is so-... Why? Why help us?...

**Christian Freeman**: That's something I'm not willing to answer. I mean I can't just blow away all my secrets, can I?-…

After that he kept blabbing a lot of things about how things he does don't make sense and stuff like that just to get me distracted from what I just realized that moment. And that was the fact that all along, even given all his lies, threats and offensive language… Christian-… the hitman, the criminal, the gang leader, the murderer-… actually cared about the love story between me and Sakura. He actually wanted to help. So as I was saying in my precious entry my dear reader… hope remains. Even for those that you would expect it less.

After that I dropped Christian off at the V.I.P. Club in San Fierro and headed back to Missionary Hill. Amusingly enough, I arrived just when Tyrone finished his deals with the Richmans and was heading back as well, so we ended up parking our cars at the same time. I find his timing hilarious, as he managed to arrive at the end of all the action. Nevertheless, I will be putting him up to date in the morning.

There is one thing that Christian said today that is still on my mind… why is Sakura really still wearing the earrings she's got from me, knowing that I can see and record everything she does. Was Christian right after all? Does she really want me to see something? Well one thing I know for certain, I won't be getting any sleep tonight, as I will be looking over all the videos recorded by Sakura's earrings in the last week.

* * *

**A note from the author: Please excuse the display of lines and replies between the two characters, only that it would have been hard for me to summarize the whole chatter, so I thought it would be best if I let everyone make their own understanding of the actual dialogue. Enjoy reading.**

**Radu George**


	4. 26-April-2014

26-April-2014

It's been 48 hours since I last slept. All I did since I made my last entry was watch the videos recorder by Sakura's earrings. I don't know why this had to happen; I don't know why Christian came along. I was actually prepared to let it go, to live my life without her and only focus on our child. But now after seeing only her for 48 hours, I think differently.

Christian wasn't right. I don't think she actually wanted me to see something in those videos. But he was right to some degree as well. Things just don't add up, some things just, simply, don't make sense in their actions. And now, from Christian's initiative I am starting to see it. Sakura wanted protection, for her and for the child. It didn't matter for her what she was doing with her life as long as the baby was safe. But there is more to this story that not even she knows, and I am wondering if she would see Ryan as such a refuge from harm if she knew…

Ryan-… Ryan Bando. I am starting to see that he's bet his chips on one hand, that although so far has served him well, it might turn out unlucky when not all the other players fold as he originally planned and there are more than two cards to be showed on the final table. I only now start to understand what Christian's return actually means. Not only that Ryan didn't kill him, but Ryan lied. And he lied when his job did not request it of him. Two days ago I told Christian that he did what he did best when he pretended to be a drug addicted hobo, but now I come to wonder, would only Christian be beast at lying?

Ryan did not only lie about killing Christian, but he told Sakura a lot of other things that aren't true, and I should have figured that before. I should have figured it out when Olivia tried to get the two of us back together and Sakura actually considered it. It's not the fact that Sakura considered it, but the fact that in that moment Ryan freaked out so bad that he could have been heard shouting at Sakura trough her phone while speaking to Olivia. You don't freak out in moments like that, not if you have nothing to hide, not if everything is already on the table, but Ryan held back something, and as much of a hitman he is, he didn't manage to camouflage that.

Ryan knew Sakura was looking for protection, she told him that. Yet he didn't care at starting if she loved him or not, he just wanted her to be his. So he took up the seat of the protector as long as it was what she needed. In one of the videos I've watched so far, there was a scene in which Ryan tells Sakura that he already removed several hits that were on her. Then something that Christian said struck me… Christian told me that he killed his own girlfriend over a hit, yet Christian was even lower ranked than Ryan Bando. Then again, who would place a hit on a hitman's assistant? Thing that Sakura did not exceed at hiding, given that she needed people to fear her.

So I had to makes us of all the relations Arthur had in the hitman agency to eventually be told, face to face, by hitman… that Sakura never had one hit on her head in the last two months. Here all the detective work I've done so far, all the training I had in reading people from their actions actually played off. Here I understood that I didn't lose, not in a fair fight at least. And so I came across the word "fight" coming from me for for the first time in one month, and I understood that even if you want to avoid all violence, eventually you still have to fight one way or another. The human is violent by nature; some say we are born to be violent. Even if it is violence of words, of fists or simply of thinking.

But one thing I know… even though sometimes you have to fight when you're a man (Kenny Rogers - Coward of the County); you choose the way you fight. And I choose a way that won't get anyone killed in the process. I choose the truth as my weapon, as even if I were violent right now, it would still be the best weapon at hand anyone in my position could muster. I won't go hunting Ryan down; I will prove who he really is… how he really got to the lead of the Hitman Agency… how he never actually killed someone unless that someone was indeed defenseless against him, and in the other cases sent someone else after the target, as he did with Christian.

Sakura wanted security for her and for the child… it might have been my mistake not showing to her how much security stands behind me, and all the security that kept my hand steady on the trigger of a gun all those years. Maybe Tyrone was right, maybe no matter what comes in between or how much we all change, one day we will have to finish what we started. And if we started it in blood, how else could we end it? Maybe it was time for one last showdown… Richmans, Freemans, hitmans, Saints, Syndicates, Hilltops… maybe it was time _Anonymous Agreement_ made its long waited return.

Sakura hasn't married Ryan yet, and even if she would have done it, a "Yes" to Ryan in front of the altar at the moment would be as good as a Yes said at gunpoint. I'm starting now to understand that even if the time is very late, it is not yet too late. But one thing is for certain, I won't make things right this time without a fight.


	5. 29-April-2014

29-April-2014

I did a lot of mistakes along the way, I get that now. I made a lot of mistakes when I was younger, I made a lot of mistakes when I was with Sakura, and now I made the mistake of thinking I could still help her. But now I come to understand, that maybe with or without Bando's interference, she's became the soul thing we both promised to rid this world of. She's became a killer… one that does not do it for justice or for other people, but one that kills for her own interests and well being.

Yesterday me and Christian decided that we had enough evidence to prove how much Ryan lied so far, and we called Sakura to meet us so that we could make our case. Even after seeing Christian alive, and arguing with him for some time, and after bringing evidence that Ryan lied when he said he had a medical condition that will have him dead in two years, even after telling her all we managed to find out, she seemed careless to the problem. At least now I know one thing, she doesn't really love him, she's with him only out of interest, and the way I see her now, I think she can just as well get married with him and have another five kids just out of interest.

But it doesn't matter anymore, as I saw Sakura pull out her gun and shoot Christian over simply not wanting to drive us out. She is lost. And that is not all… she told Ryan about Christian, and they both went after him. Fortunately he survived, but now I know they are after us all and this just about end all the peace I was trying to keep. They went after us, and however much I once cared for Sakura or how much I care for our child, I can't allow them to go killing everyone that was there for me in the past. There is a limit even to this kind of immunity. And she just lost it, this means war.

I made the mistake of giving Sakura my journal two days ago after I made my case with Christian clear. I now realize that was something wrong, I shouldn't have let her see those pages, but I wanted to make sure once and for all that she knew exactly where I stand and what was the truth behind Ryan. Although it might have been a mistake, at least now I am with my conscience clear, knowing that I did all I could to try and open her eyes. Yet it was not within my powers from the beginning. I feel better now that I got that done as well, and that I am sure she is a lost cause. Although I couldn't fully dispose of my former wedding band, I managed to get it off my finger and on a silver chained necklace around my neck that I can easily hide behind my shirt. I started dating again yesterday, I am moving on.

I don't think the way I thought three days ago, I miss the rush of adrenaline running through my body; I miss that over abundance of control when everything around me was in chaos, yet I controlled that chaos indirectly; I miss the old days. But if I am to go back there again, then I will do it my way. I will do it like in the days before all this happened, before all the dramas, when two people rode out on a Sanchez with no piece of armor, nor military grade weapons… just a semi-automatic and a half full gas tank. And like that we charged trough the lines of full gangs or factions, took them down one by one and lived to tell the tale. Those are the days I want to bring back, and that's why I drove to Los Santos today to one of our old storage warehouses and opened a garage that hasn't been touched by somewhere around two years. And then it was, just where I left it a couple of years back… my _Phoenix_.

The very same car I was driving when I first saved Sakura, or did my first hit and run. Although that car costs almost nothing at this time, back then it was the car that I drove right in the jaws of danger and after taking countless bullet rounds and loosing sometimes all my tires, I still escaped with it in one peace. Right now all it needs is to get to a service, and a new paintjob…

I am taking my guns up, but this time I am not doing it for personal glory-… well, maybe just a bit. But there are some people out there as my former wife that consider they are doing justice, when in fact all they do they do for themselves, and ruin the lives of others in the process as if they couldn't care less about casualties. Well, it was time someone fought for all those casualties… it was time someone taught them what justice really means.

Anonymous Agreement has been summoned, now we wait to see who answers the call.


	6. 1-May-2014

1-May-14

The thoughts I've been having recently begin to remind me more and more of the old days, of the good days. Making up plans with Arthur and Tyrone that to others might sound close to suicidal, yet after two years since our paths crossed once more here in San Andreas, to us it still all sounds more than possible, quite highly probable. Anonymous Agreement is on its way back. We all agreed to it, because like it was when we first formed it, enemies keep rising around us, and we find ourselves surrounded with a shrinking list of allies. Only because the need was great, _The Agreement _was called for once more.

Now all we have left to decide is not who we will work with, but who is still worthy of working with us. There are still remnants left from the first pact, but now they are scattered, and some no longer trustworthy. We need to choose our recruits well, because we seem to find ourselves and San Andreas for that matter splitting into separate sides. On one end there is Ryan and all his bootlickers. Ryan Bando declared war on us after he tried to kill both Tyrone and Christian, who is not yet once of us, nor is likely to be, but Christian always took our side when it came to me or Tyrone, and even though his nature of betraying, he never backstabbed us, not even when he had not only the chance, but a lot of potential profit from it.

However, like before, we have an advantage. Neither Ryan, nor anyone in San Andreas knows that we are coming back, or what we intend to do. Secrecy was always the key element in the Agreement, acting from the shadows, never letting our enemies have any idea who is coming after them until they find themselves on the ground bleeding to death. As long as Ryan doesn't catch scent of our union, then it means that we are better even than the Hitman Agency, because we know about the Agency, they don't know about us.

But still, we need to expand our influence carefully, as we are aware that Ryan Bando has a lot of influence as well, and if anyone from Bando's area of influence finds out of our existence, then we lose all the element of surprise. It will take time for us to gain influence and power that way, having to measure each of our move ten times before actually doing it, but if we do this by the book, it will be worth it in the end. The Richmans already provide us with all the influence in San Fierro one could gain, as they already own more than half of it. That's why this city will start as our main capital. While other organizations start with only one building for a head quarters, we start with a whole city filled with them.

Our next move will be to expand outwards, towards Los Santos and the surrounding areas; also we will turn our attention towards the desert. At the moment all the influence we have in Tierra Robada lays within the Armed Forces, but we have no actual bases of operation or secret hideouts there. I need to be careful with that area tough, as my former wife is very highly ranked within the Emergency Service of Tierra Robada, yet I do not fully know her influence outside the ES. Also I know she has now become a liability, so I can classify her as one of Bando's top informants. And here me and Sakura find ourselves on different sides for the first time. Now although a conflict rarely ends with one side fully decimated, I have a feeling that only one of us will see the end of it, yet I cannot predict which of us will still be standing.

I met up with the woman I am dating again today. After a considerable amount of lemonades, tequilas and light beers, we decided to head over to my place. Tyrone told me to look out for the house while he was away with business, so I figured he wouldn't mind if I invited her as well. Now after all this time since Sakura and I stopped actually being together, I start to understand that there is another kind of hunger… the hunger for human touch. Desire, up to a point that is different than before. Yet after we did it, she noticed the silver chain that holds my wedding band and asked me about it. So I gave her a brief description of what went on between me and my former wife, leaving all the details aside for now.

I don't think I will be seeing her too often anymore, as even though I am likely to become a single father, I told her that I am not looking for a committed relationship right now, so unless she wants us to become 'friends with benefits' or really wants to start an actual relationship with someone that will have a child to look after soon enough, I doubt I will be going out with her much often. But still, I am not saddened by the thought even one bit, because this showed me not only that there are women out there that might be interested in me, but more important it showed me that I am managing to move on.

I had the most wonderful surprise later this day when Tyrone called me and told me he had something for me. He actually managed to hook me up with a huge house in Ocean Flats. It's got a good sized garage, a pretty large backyard good for inviting friends over to a grill or play some games, both the interior and exterior of the house are freshly renovated, it's got a lot of balconies good for having a lot of plants or sunbeds to lay on and drink lemonade while looking at the sea… oh, did I happen to mention the fact that my neighbor that lays on the other side of the street is the ocean? After I choose what furniture I want to install and finish all the decorations, that beach house will be a Heaven on Earth.


	7. 3-May-2014

03-May-2014

God this was a full day… maybe that's the reason for which all of Missionary Hill is under lockdown for the night. I don't think I had so much action in months. Funny thing at starting it gave all the signs of being a calm day… I, Arthur and Tyrone worked on establishing some new contacts in Tierra Robada; also we got our eyes set on a potential emplacement for an outpost in that state. After that we didn't find much to do so we simply decided to drive around San Fierro with some 'new bloods'. However, I thought I'd use this window to do something else…

Sakura eventually decide to take off the bugged earrings she had from me, at Bando's initiative of course. I didn't really feel bad about it; however I was losing a source of information. But I didn't think about it too much, I knew eventually he would get her to take the earrings off, I am actually surprised she kept them for so long. So I thought I'd ask her to give me those earrings back… it wasn't like I couldn't get another pair, but I figured I could use them meeting to see if she thought about how we are going to proceed with the child care. After texting about it, she said Ryan wants to be the one that drops them off. I refused, not only that it was against my intentions, but I didn't want to see that guy's face even if he was the last human being on the planet.

So I told her I want her to drop the earrings off, and I don't want to see Ryan anywhere close. However she kept refusing, stating that it is not alright with him. Only at that point I realized that he was most likely making another scandal out of it. And boy did it give me satisfaction, thinking about how he turns into a control freak, but even more the fact that he is really that jealous and afraid of the idea that she might come back to me that he wouldn't let her see me alone. But still, after that satisfying thought I realized that if he keeps on like this, I will not be able to see her and discuss important matters about the child. So I kept on asking her to come alone, I even threatened her to go to the police if she doesn't do so.

Eventually they turned up at Missionary together, however they didn't even approach the front gate, instead they waited on the property next door which is a radio station. I didn't even realize that while I was texting her from my office, Tyrone and a few other new bloods noticed their presence next door and went over to them, still having in mind the thought that I raised Sakura's immunity after she and Ryan went after our allies. It didn't take long until Ryan felt threatened and called for back-up. Another car and a motorcycle soon showed up, and that was enough for Tyrone to feel threatened.

However, when Tyrone called for back-up, it wasn't only two cars… tree Ranchers and two fully loaded helicopters got to the property at Missionary in less than two minutes, with one call, all of hilltop was at our gates ready to pick a fight. Ryan was obviously outnumbered, and given how Hilltop likes to answer to back-up calls, heavily outgunned. Yet seeing all of this from my office I decided there doesn't have to be any bloodlust, and even if we were in clear advantage, this didn't have to be our decisive showdown, time wasn't right.

So I went outside in the middle of the two sides that were about to start an all out gunfight and went straight for Ryan and Sakura. Ryan had the earrings out, asking me to take them. I agreed to take it and end this problem here, as long as he took his men off our property without a fight. He agreed to that, it wasn't in his advantage to pick a fight either way. However, just when I taught there would be no fight… something unexpected came up.

Apparently someone that was not accounted for on either side decided to call the police after seeing all the guns and people gathering up. So the next things we know the sensors placed around the property go to blue, which indicates that police factions are making their way up the hill. After taking a better look we noticed that five police squads and an armored truck were about to engage us.

So at that moment each side had to choose, we would have either fled, which is not something either of us does, we could have fought each other (all the while each of us fighting the police as well), or we could work together and stand a better chance against the L.E.O. forces. Ryan wasn't stupid; he was even the one that asked for us to work together. Tyrone agreed to this, he didn't want to suffer casualties either. SO we closed the gate, turned on the electrical fences to full power, placed our vehicles so that we could take cover from the main while snipers climbed on the roof to give us eyes on the entire hill.

Ryan didn't waste any time before running for field commander, telling everyone what to do and where to aim. I didn't really have anything to say against it, as I was taking my focus off everything else and calming myself, I was about to take sniper position on the roof, and I was having a hard time not giving Ryan a bullet as well.

No one really knows who fired the first shoot, all we know is that the following minute the police barricade formed in front of our gate started screaming out in weapon fire, and our response was just as intimidating. It was the first time in a long time when I found myself in a confrontation of that scale, yet I was having one of the most important spots on the chess board, so I couldn't afford to lose my temper. Slowly I started taking out the S.W.A.T. sharpshooters that were so poorly positioned on the property next door that even someone that was half blind could have spotted them. After taking care of their snipers I turned my scope towards the street. The police never even got to touch the gate, after 3 minutes they were so afraid to raise up from behind the cars they were using as a barricade that they didn't even give any more suppressive fire.

At that moment one of our new bloods made a bold move. He took two gunners that were assigned to him and went out the property trough the back. He took those two with him and sneaked behind the police line. With the snipers taken out by me, they had no problems coming out behind the rest of the cops and open fire from a spot that offered our enemy no protection whatsoever. That was likely the decisive move of that confrontation… and although so far I didn't really trust or give credit to the new bloods, this Michael Hound managed to catch my eye with that inspired move.

With Hilltop there it was an easy win, at the end I simply found myself picking up the cops that were attempting to flee on foot. God did that make me feel good… that's what I always enjoyed, hunting down a moving target… I always loved the very calm sensation of anxiety it gives you.

After the fight was over, Hilltop and Ryan's men left. Ryan approached me with a genuine smile on his face. I still kept my cold expression; it actually made me wonder if this is the first victory in battle he ever achieved. What was really giving Ryan that smile was the fact that after fighting with me, he actually taught he would get on my good side. So we started talking, I found it amusing that after the last cop was down and we approached each other, all the other ones involved stopped whatever they were doing and made a circle around of us, watching… as if seeing a lion and a tiger entering an arena.

And that was a mistake… while he and I were talking, and everyone else watching us as if enjoying a good soap opera, no one noticed the fact that the San Fierro Police Department along with the FBI and whatever else L.E.O. forces they could muster, were getting ready for a second strike. And it hit us hard… Hilltop already left and getting them back would mean time for them to refuel the helicopters, not to mention their ranchers came out of the first wave as beaten up as scrap yard cars. This time they had snipers placed in more strategically positions, more armored units and air support. The moment we saw a Hunter approaching our airspace we were sure, this was not something we could fight off.

So with a lot of suppressive fire and all the tricks we could come up to, we managed to make it down the hill trough the back and get to our cars. We all regrouped at Zombotech, our main stronghold in San Andreas. Zombotech is a secret research facility currently in the property of the Richman family. Although we don't use it as a main base, it is our greatest stronghold. That building has so many defense systems that with 20 men we could hold off the army for a week if they wouldn't bring in heavy guns.

Ryan and Sakura eventually showed up as well. Sakura wanted to tend to the ones that got injured, and Ryan wanted to finish that talk he had with me. I don't think I have the energy to write down the entire conversation, but what I can say is the fact that I screwed up during that encounter. I got cocky, or else I can't explain why I told Ryan in the face that if I ever needed I would use the videos I have from Sakura's earrings to show the world who he really is…

That might have been a mistake, as I just took the ace I had in my sleeve and waved it around the whole game table. We will be staying here at Zombotech for the night until Missionary gets clear. This is not all that happened today… Christian came up with a plan, but I will not write those events down until tomorrow when I have all the variables.


	8. 4-May-2014

4-May-2014

We are stronger than before, but our foes seem to be keeping up the pace… and here we find ourselves locked in combat once more. If you ask me, I am surprised we are still standing to this day.

Hilltop gave the call; it was time we repaid their services from the day before. _The 'New Hilltop'_, the private army that helped us defend The Hill have conflicts of their own. Something happened to what all of San Andreas knew as the Hilltop Farm sometime while I was away. The leader of the original mercenary army got backstabbed by his second in command, and so he claimed control over the organization. However, some of the soldiers did not recognize that betrayer as their leader, so the group split in two. On one end there is the one that backstabbed the former leader and controls Hilltop Farm, and on the other there is The New Hilltop that are working to build a new stronghold and also reclaim their own hill.

We choose to side with the ones that didn't accept a betrayer as their leader, that's the kind of soldiers we want to associate ourselves with. And The New Hilltop proved their worth to us after helping us defend Missionary. Yet today was our turn to answer their call when they decided to deliver a strike to their former base. We all meet up at the Los Santos International Airport, all of Missionary was emptied, we all came. We thought this would be a good opportunity for the new bloods that fought in the confrontation with the police the other day to get a scent of how it is to be on the offensive as well.

I never really took a good count of how many people were on our side, but what I know is that we filled a cargo airplane up to the point where it barely managed to take off. Hilltop Farm is an impenetrable fortress by ground; their defensive walls are as high as a 3 story building, so we had to attack by air. I still recall the moment the cargo doors opened and the signal light turned green… it was time to jump. The first ones that touched the ground were the first to get gunned down from tree different directions, however I was smart enough to land in one of their defensive towers and use it as a gunning position.

I provided cover for the rest of the troops that were descending upon the base, but before everyone was on the ground fighting, I heard a noise that I can recognize even in my dreams after serving in the war. Hilltop is known for its air superiority that can overrun even Tierra Robada's air forces, and the sound I was hearing was that of a Hunter helicopter that was just taking off. So I instructed everyone over the radio to head for cover, and they found that in one of Hilltop's garages where they prepared for their last stand.

The problem now was getting there myself. I didn't waste time with all the stairs of that tower, instead when I was half way down I jumped on the roof of a small building just behind the garage and worked my way down. However, I didn't go unnoticed by two enemy soldiers. I knew I was followed around the corner, but except giving them some suppressive fire, there wasn't anything I could do to win if I were to stop running and face the two. Luck has it that the moment I came around the corner, I saw 4 rifles aimed straight towards me. It didn't take me more than 2 seconds at best to throw myself to the ground and clear the firing trajectory towards the two soldiers chasing me that found themselves blasted with gunfire the moment they came around the corner.

Michael Hound was there, along with another new blood and two friendly Hilltops. I don't think I would have made it to the garage if it weren't for their cover. Once we found ourselves inside the garage we worked on securing the entrance and tending to the wounded. The enemy tried to break through our defense and clear the garage out several times, however with mercenaries and war veterans on our side that never happened; we gunned down everyone that tried to come inside. After the last wave we found ourselves alone inside that large garage for some time, it was then that our Hilltops started calling the retreat. We were lucky to make that garage our last stand, as at the other end of it there was a tunnel leading down and exiting right behind the base.

We decided not to take the tunnel all at once and cover each other's retreat. Tyrone took the first group out with most of our men so that they can bring an evacuation party to us, so we didn't have to run off on foot. I however stayed behind with Michael Hound and a few friendly hilltops. We held that garage trough another two waves, but after the second we realized that we either back down now or have this as our final resting place. Two Hilltops however asked to be left behind. They knew that if we were to all make a run for it we would be chased down, so they stayed behind creating the impression that we were still holding up inside the garage.

I classed those two amongst the heroes of this fight, as me and Michael managed to get out trough the back and made a run for it. However our escape did not go entirely unnoticed, as I heard that sound that still haunts me at nights. A Hunter and an escort helicopter were after me and Michael, and they were closing in fast. I knew we stood no chance if we were to turn around and open fire on those helicopters, so instead I told Michael to run as fast as his feet can carry him. And so we both did, however the Hunter caught up to us. I still don't know why the pilot didn't open fire, yet the machine gun of that combat helicopter never started spinning. Maybe it was because we were already far away from their base and entering Montgomery. The helicopters however chased us even after we entered that small town, so I signaled Michael to split up, after that both of us ran in different directions around the town and hid wherever we managed.

I waited next to a large building for like a minute until I heard the spin of those blades slowly fade away and instruct Michael trough the radio that it was safe to come out. After that Tyrone showed up with the rescue party and we returned to San Fierro to tend to our injured. Two new bloods were lost during that confrontation, the New Hilltop had casualties of its own, and we can say we came out lucky compared to them. Nevertheless, the raid was classed as a victory, as the Old Hilltop suffered twice as many casualties and their base suffered considerable damage from all the grenades that were used. And more over, we live to count another full out gun fight in our dossier.

No celebration followed after that victory, and this was because for some of us, it was simple training. Our new bloods need to know that victory will be expected from them in any confrontation, and this one makes it nothing special, just basic routine. The more experienced ones like me and Tyrone saw this and the events that happened the day before a good reminder of what we were signing up for once more, and what is likely to follow if we keep going on with our Agreement.

* * *

**A note from the author: At this point dear readers you might want to check out Sakura's Audio Log that can be found in the Grand Theft Auto section. It is a similar work with what I am doing, describing events that are happening in parallel with my writing from Sakura's point of view.**


	9. 5-May-2014

5-May-2014

It's nothing personal whenever intelligence and counterintelligence, The Tierra Robada Intelligence Agency taught me that.

Christian came to me two days ago with a very interesting proposition. He said that we need someone inside the Hitman Agency to be our eyes and ears, keeping us informed so that we don't have to wait wondering when they will come for us. So he presented his "idea" to me… we know Ryan Bando requires the videos I have that can prove to the entire world who he really is, so Christian's proposal is that one of us makes a deal with him, pretending to trade the only copies of those videos for a slot in The Agency. However, his proposal sounded to me like a master plan of his own. As I was expecting, when we asked him who would be fit, over more, who would be accepted by Ryan in the Agency, he didn't hesitate automatically recommending himself.

But there was more… simply his tone and way of addressing me gave his intentions away. While before he didn't really care if we trusted him or not, even coming to me and making me believe everything he does is not what it seems to be… this time he actually felt offended when Tyrone asked him to give up his weapon upon entering Missionary, and after that he was almost begging for our thrust. Also, he kind of gave himself away when I decided to tell him I agree to this, he immediately asked me where are the copies of the videos so he could talk to some friends of his inside The Agency so he can work out a meeting. If he already had people inside, why would there be need of a spy?

I think I just about had enough of Christian, he had his uses so far, but I am tired of always having to think ten times who he is working for or what he is really after. Besides, he was there when we retreated to Zombotech after the police raided Missionary… he was there when I was letting it all out on Bando, telling him how many ways I could put him down if I really wanted, defying the leader of the Hitman Agency. But Christian, although claiming to me that he wants them dead, simply stood there and kept telling me that I am getting myself killed by defying Ryan. He had his chance of proving he is with us, yet all he did was piss in his pants when he knew Ryan was around.

But worry not Christian, if you really want him dead, you'll have your chance. Eventually I agreed to his proposal, telling him exactly where I had the back-ups from Sakura's videos, I conveniently left out Jasmine's own database, but I don't think it took a genius to figure that out. However, what Christian didn't know is the fact that the moment after we shook hands and he went out the door, I instructed Jasmine to create another set of backups for the videos and prepare to corrupt the already existing ones. So go on Christian, go to Ryan with what you think are the actual videos he is looking for. You might have a surprise however when find yourself playing a video recorded with the cameras placed inside my office in which you tell me that your only goal left in life is killing Ryan and Sakura, followed afterwards by a version in which your voice is that of Dark Vader's with the Troll Song playing in the background. I don't need to kill you Christian; I rarely take out former associates. All I need to do is feed you to the wolves you pretended to hunt.

I met with Sakura today. I think Ryan was out of town or just really busy to notice, as this time there was no argument and she accepted to see me almost immediately. We mostly talked about the problem with child care, however the subject slipped off every now and then to other problems. I told Sakura about Christian, she seemed to be looking forward to the trick I played on him, also looking forward to taking care of Christian…

It was amongst the first time since me and Sakura broke up that we actually managed to have a relatively decent conversation. She kept raising her tone every now and then, but in rest managed to keep it low. I don't deny that I had to seem apologetic every time she felt offended, but I think it was better this was rather than constantly shouting at each other. So I preferred to give in at some points when it was either agreeing with her or starting up another scandal. Although we didn't manage to reach any conclusion on the child care topic, as I still want the child to stay only with me and she still wants shared custody, at least we managed to carry a decent conversation, and maybe in the future we might even reach an agreement.

The past two days have made me wonder just how much I still think like I used to do when I started this journal. In the two recent confrontations with the police department and Hilltop, I think I killed somewhere around twenty people. I never actually thought about it until now, as the rush of the battleground lasts for me up to 24 hours, it helps me stay alert. And when you are on the battleground, after my or Tyrone's level of experience, you don't stop to think each time you kill someone, all you do is move on to the next target, killing as much as you can so you and your allies don't die there. One thing is for sure, I sure missed the adrenaline rush of a large scaled battle.

I still think about those two New Hilltops that stayed behind inside that garage and covered our retreat… they must have known they were giving up their lives, yet they actually shouted it to us to leave them behind. I remember there was a time even I would have done that, maybe I would still do it, but there would have to be dam' important people to me involved for me to stay behind just to save them. Yet there was a time when I would have done it for anyone else as well… I wonder what happened to those days…

I slept with a New Blood the night after the raid at Hilltop. Although I don't think she minded it, I was kind of harsh with her. I tend to be more violent in bed after knowing I killed someone, over more when I know I killed ten people like they were none. At first I thought she came to me with this so she could get some advantages from the superiors maybe, it was only later that night I realized that actually what drove her to my bedroom were the constant shouts and gun noise that never gives you any rest at starting. It wasn't anything special about me, except that she saw me as someone more experienced with this, and she just didn't want to spend that night alone.

So the following morning I made her a favor and relieved her of duty, sending her home and telling her she doesn't belong here. At first she felt sad about it, but by the time she left I think she actually thanked me in her head. I don't want her ending up making a living out of killing like the rest of us. The initiative I had when I started this journal is lost, but it doesn't have to be lost for everyone around me.


	10. 7-May-2014

7-May-2014

After the police raided Missionary Hill, we never really felt safe there anymore. So today we decided that if we want to be safe at all times while inside our main regroup point, we need to leave The Hill behind. So today we took whatever was of major importance along with all our vehicles and moved them to Zombotech, our main stronghold in San Fierro. With reinforced steel gates, bulletproof glass windows and fingerprint activate elevators; we are safer here than we would be in the F.B.I. headquarters. However, I figured I wouldn't resume only to a few hard drives and cars… so with a bold move we managed to improvise a landing system on the roof of the building similar to that used by aircraft carriers which (putting to challenge my piloting skills) allowed me to land my private jet right on top of Zombotech. That will serve for a fast escape if we ever needed it.

After this we headed out to Los Santos where Tyrone was called by San Andreas News to give a live interview. It was actually entertaining, after reminding him several times not to curse while live on TV. That is. He got a lot of questions addressed regarding his outstanding wealth, pretty much the main reason for which he was called to do the interview. He didn't forget to make some publicity to San Fierro and the Richman family. I didn't bother that he didn't mention anything about the rest of us, as you can't really shout out on TV. about a secret organization.

Us moving to Zombotech wasn't the only relocation done today. I finally managed to put in the furniture at my new house in Ocean Flats. And with all in place, I managed to finally move in. As soon as I moved everything I needed in there, I took a walk to the boat dealership which is just half a mile up from my house and purchased myself a yacht. What else do I need right now? I have a wonderful beach house, a boat and the ocean just next door.

So I sailed out in that yacht for a couple of hours, heading straight towards the horizon on the calm sea waves. Everything was so peaceful at sea… I actually started wondering, why should I even turn back? Or better yet, what am I going back to? Pain, crime, murder… maybe eventually even death. But then I recalled that there are still people that need me there, and furthermore, there is a baby that will need me. And with that I got the strength to turn that boat around.

And here I am, in my beach house writing down the first journal entry from this property. I can't deny the fact that I actually preferred staying at Tyrone's place. As I said in a previous entry, that didn't make me feel so alone. Yet here I am, lying alone in my balcony, looking out towards the sea. I hate solitude, although in my darkest hours it was the first I seeked. I feel sad... although that thought usually associated in my case with disappointment, grief or anger, this time it came alone. I feel sad that things turned out this way, I feel sad that I find myself here, alone, and not somewhere else in the company of someone else. I hope my baby girl will be able to help me trough this hard times.

Oh God and my mind slips to joy whenever I think about her... thinking about holding her in my arms for the first time. I'm sure she'll have her mother's beauty; I just hope it won't be hard when she reaches the age at which me and her mother first met. I still remember those hot summer days spent in Willowfield, where we all started. Me, Arthur, Croxin, Sakura... we used to be really close to each other while we grew up together.

I was the first that moved out of Willowfield with my parents, and left the rest behind. If only I knew what would happen in the future, I swear to God I would have urged my parents not to move and just stay there, all of us together. Maybe that way my parents would be still alive, maybe Croxin wouldn't have got lost on the road ending with him killed, maybe Arthur would be doing better as well, and maybe even if we weren't a couple, Sakura and I would still be close friends. Yet slowly those days of summer faded away into the cold of winter, a cold that we decided to stand up to alone. That was the mistake that tore us apart... if only we would have tried to fight that cold by heating each of the ones next to us instead of ourselves, maybe now we would still be together.

I taught it was better this way when Sakura and I got married, but now I don't know what to say about it... too much pain for only brief periods of joy. But still yet, if a new life will result after this constant collision of particles, of people and of fates, then a new chance is born along with that life. If we couldn't do better, maybe our children will take our mistakes as an example and make better choices in life. I would be at peace with my life if we achieved that.

* * *

**A note from the author: At this point readers, you might want to take a look at Sakura's Nightmare that can be found in the Grand Theft Auto section. However I am warning you, be ready for a very dramatical turn.**


	11. 9-May-2014

*****The following writing is very untidy, written by a shaking hand and barely respecting the spaces between words and paragraphs.*****

* * *

9-May-2014

There is nothing that can save us; there is no point in hoping. There is less than nothing…

I got called today by Jonah Hernandez, Sakura's superior in the Emergency Service… he asked me if I could contact her and tell her to talk to him. Then I got curious and asked him what it was all about. He said it was something that happened after her last visit at the ultrasound two days ago, stating she got irritated and threw her badge away afterwards. However, he didn't seem to want to share too much about the ultrasound, so I figured I would look it up in her medical files. What I found made me very suspicious. There was no record of her having an ultrasound in the past month at the Bayside medical center, so I looked up to see if there was any record at the El Quebrados hospital, but I had no luck there either.

At first I was just afraid that there might be something going bad with the pregnancy, so I decided to call her eventually. She seemed a bit lost after I told her I talked to Hernandez, yet she claimed she didn't see him, nor did she take an ultrasound in the past month, just like the records claimed. Yet what really got me suspicious was when she called Hernandez a lire… wouldn't someone involved in something like this simply take it as a misunderstanding rather than a made up story?

So I kept searching through while trying to keep her on the phone. I eventually asked her if her medical insurance only applied to the hospitals within Tierra Robada. After she confirmed it I knew that she could only have taken an ultrasound in Tierra, which meant that if Hernandez was telling me the truth, then whatever happened was kept off the records. She called me back after a few minutes wanting to know exactly what did Hernandez say. It was obvious she feared he might have slipped something to me, so while trying to keep her on the phone I looked up Jonah Hernandez to see if he was around, but most likely he was out of town as I didn't manage to get a hold of him.

If I couldn't get a hold of him, then neither could she. So I decided to make a bold move in attempt to uncover this as fast as possible. I told Sakura that Hernandez was in an operation at the El Quebrados hospital and that he can't be disturbed until the operation ends. I also asked her to tell him to call me after he's done. Knowing that I would want to talk to him she needed to make sure he didn't slip more information than he already had, so I betted all my chips the chance that after hearing this she would go straight to El Quebrados, even pulling the medic out of an operation if she had to just to make sure I wouldn't find out more. So as soon as I hanged up on her I parked my car behind a store in that small town, making sure it wouldn't be noticed when driving there and entered the medical center, turning towards the waiting room and listening carefully to the door.

My bluff worked perfectly, as within fifteen minutes of walking inside, I heard the door open and Ryan's voice shout out the name Jonah. So I simply rose up from the sofa and turned towards the door in attempt to meet both of them. If only I knew what I was about to find out, I don't think I would have ever seeked out the truth.

The moment I noticed Sakura I froze in place and felt like the whole world started to collapse upon my head. She wore no body armor that could even remotely hide it-… her belly was a less than a quarter the size it was when I last saw her. I couldn't really explain it at starting, I couldn't understand what happened: I couldn't make any connection with what I was seeing, nor could I believe anything. So I simply walked closer to her, only to find myself frozen in place once more after making a few steps. It was as clear as it could ever get-… Sakura was no longer pregnant. In less than a fraction of a second all the connections were made and resulted to only one realization… Sakura aborted the baby. I don't know if we were speaking or not in the meanwhile, I think I automatically answered and placed a few questions, but I don't recall even half the dialog now, as the thoughts on my mind were so loud that they blocked out everything else.

If I wouldn't have been neighbors with Sakura in Willowfield… we would not be here.

If I would have never left then… we would not be here.

If I would have never returned to San Andreas… we would not be here.

If I would have never seeked her out after I returned… we would not be here.

If I wouldn't have taken her away from Mark after she married him… we would not be here.

If I would have broken up with her for good after she cheated on me with Croxin, or Anthony, or Christian… we would not be here.

If I would have never left her here alone for months at a time… we would not be here.

If I would have killed Bando when I had the chance… we would not be here.

If I would have kept watching her at all time to make sure the baby is safe… _we would not be here_.

Yet all those collisions happened, not being able to predict what would come next, and it all led to this… it all led the woman I loved the most in my life killing our unborn child. Amongst the few words I still recall from that moment, I remember telling her that she can have the videos I have with her and that I will delete the rest, after that I asked her to forget I ever existed and to get out of my life.

I started shaking violently as I walked out of there, walking towards my car and collapsing next to it. I still couldn't believe it, I still didn't think it was real, so I took out my phone slowly and pressed her speed dial. My hands were shaking so bad that I could barely do that. I asked her why did she do it, and by the end of the phone call I understood that she did it just to make sure I don't "win" her. She proffered to have her killed rather than having her come to my care one way or the other-…

I had no reason whatsoever for which to live, but I can't kill myself… the first time I tried to do that and Sakura stopped me I was doing it because I knew there would be good coming out of it, not only harm. I knew that if I did it then, I wouldn't end up hurting Sakura by taking the child away from her. Yet now there would be nothing good to come if I were to end my life, nothing bad either… it would simply be irrelevant.

I drove straight home after that. The house I bought for her, yet the house she will never set her tiny feet in. I wanted to burn it down, I wanted to burn everything down, but it was already burning when I got there. Everything around me was burning, and all I could see was Sakura holding my child breathless in her arms at every corner I tried to hide in. I couldn't hide from the flames, I couldn't hide from the images, I couldn't hide from her voice…

This is more than disaster… this is Cataclysm

This is more than pain… this is Torment

This is more than drama… this is Tragedy

This is more than anger… this is Rage

This is more than storm… this is Hurricane

This is less than empty… this is Black Hole

This is more than decay… this is _**–**__**RUIN**__**-**__**!**_

She could have saved all of us, she could have saved everyone! Yet I wasn't there so save her so she could ever get her chance! I wasn't there for the last soul on this earth that still truly needed me; I let her down just like I did with everyone else! And now there is no one left so save any of us, me especially. This is the end of my life, nothing left to fight for, no one left that needs me. No one else that I could ever hold dear; it all ended with her. And it ended before I could even tell her how sorry I am for letting her down… I won't ever get to ask forgiveness for the fact that I couldn't save her!

The flames and images were all around me shouting louder than the engine of a jet plane stuck to my ear. I dropped to my knees in the chaos and forced my eyes shut, wanting it all to end. But then everything became silent, and I could see _her_… I saw her right inside her mother's belly when it all happened… God she was so perfect… it was like all that was ever good and beautiful in this word collided together so tight that it formed this perfect little body… she was more than the words of men or angels could ever describe. Then I saw her open those tiny dark eyes and look at me. And in the second she looked at me I understood she knew exactly who I am and what she meant to me… and I tried to whisper to her "I'm sorry-… I'm so sorry-…" Yet the next moment something black entered the blood all around her and slowly the black liquid made its way to her. I shouted out for it to stop, I tried to reach out but I could do nothing to prevent it… and slowly she closed her small eyes forever and her heart stopped beating as the darkness enveiled, never even taking her first breath of air.

There is no form of justice whatsoever that could punish someone for doing something like that on earth or in the afterlife… there is no punishment that even applied for an eternity would live up to such an act. How could they do something like that? How could they kill her? There is no hope left for this world, there is no hope for life, we never deserved it if we could do something like that.

The next thing I knew the image faded as I felt something hard hitting me. I woke up in the middle of the night lying down face-first on the floor of my room. I wanted to think it was all a horrible nightmare, but that thought was short lived given that as soon as I raised my look I found myself staring at a light blue baby bed just on the opposite side of my bed. That baby bed I purchased just a day ago, and now I fear to look inside of it.

So I simply crawled on the floor away from that bed, reaching towards the end table and taking out my journal. After that I crawled towards the corner of the room as far away from that bed as I could and started writing. Ace Redford… the one that started this journal is dead; he died along with his unborn child. Whoever is still writing in this journal has no name, nor need or desire for one. You think you felt the pain while reading this? You haven't felt one percent of it, and nor do I wish it even to my gravest enemies.


	12. 12-May-2014

12-May-2014

I haven't really seen the sun shine in the past three days ever since I found myself collapsed on the floor of my bedroom. Whenever I woke up from countless nightmares I found that it was still dark outside. Have I been sleeping through the entire daytime? Or not even one day actually passed since it happened...?

I recall I instructed Jasmine to delete all the videos recorded by Sakura's earrings and have the last two backups sent to her house in Bayside trough mail. I just wanted them to leave me alone for good, and I hope that is the end of it and the very last time I ever have to hear or mention them here. I hope that at least now after this much decay it can end…

I don't know what will come next, or if something would ever come after this; or time itself just froze in place. I can't kill myself, yet I sure don't see any reason to live. So one thing is for certain, if they thought I didn't fear death before, this will take it to a whole other level.

I don't know if there's much reason in fighting for anything right now, but I don't think I would even feel enough to actually have the sensation of fighting once more. I will stop writing for a while, as there is nothing more I can say at this point, I will only wait and see if anything comes after this, tough I seriously doubt it. So if I can't catch daylight, I'll just go out right now into the night… I can't stay here anymore.

* * *

**A note from the author: I am sorry to say that after this chapter an undetermined break will follow, as I need some time to think what the character would actually turn into and what might come next. When I return with fresh stories you can expect to see a very changed Ace Redford. Also I feel like mentioning the fact that if you enjoyed the story or the concept it is based on, the ongoing Role Play story on San Andreas Multiplayer is more than welcoming new additions. If you are interested about it, send me a PM on this forum or look for me on Skype (radu_xwing). Who knows, maybe in the following chapters your character might be the first to be mentioned.**


	13. 7-Jun-2014

7-Jun-2014

Death surrounds me like a perfume… and I gladly leave a trace of it wherever I go. I wanted to trace my life back, yet I ended up deciding it wasn't worth it. Why waste time going back? What would I find there? Do I want to see the light at the end of this tunnel? I think not…

The Agreement was stopped in its tracks by its makers, us. As we decided we have no need of it. We don't want to stay hidden anymore, as we have nothing to lose anymore. So instead we enforced the Richman family, making it more powerful than the original Hill Top. And we decided to finally rise up and meet out enemy head on. Yes… we made a full out war with The Hitman Agency. With our former allies, the Freemans as one of our foes now, as there was no question where the Freeman's allegiance stood when facing a choice between us and The Agency that offered them so much power.

We need no allies, we trust no one except the ones like us… the ones that have nothing left to lose. Because fighting on our side means a great risk of losing absolutely everything, your life being the last thing on the list to be taken away.

Today we went after the first target, someone who caused us a great deal of problems in the past… the vice director of the Hitman Agency. We took out all the heavy weaponry, all the armor we could get our hands on (even knee patches), and all the steel plated vehicles at our disposal. We caught our target in San Fierro. He couldn't have made things easier for us… we stumbled across him in Juniper Hill just as we were heading to pick up another Richman.

It took under one minute since the moment we noticed him to the point where the whole street was secured and a perimeter was up. Tyrone had personal issues to solve with the vice director, I just wanted to know him dead, nothing personal on my end. Therefore I kept the street secured as I was charged with the security of this operation, while Tyrone forced the vice director to come with us for "A business talk." And as expected, we took him to our main fortress in San Fierro; Zombotech.

After we arrived there we sealed all the gates and instructed Jasmine to go on red alert mod. We knew they were going to come in attempt to save him. Even more… we were counting on it. So while Tyrone and another one of our guys went inside with the vice director for that friendly chatter, I assigned each of our men to the strategic defense points of the building. After everyone was in place, I went on the roof along with a few others. Tyrone instructed us that whatever happens inside, no one is to enter, so all we had to do is make sure no one got inside. And so we waited for them to come…

It didn't take them long. After a few minutes of our arrival, black cars and helicopters started making rounds around the building, looking for possible entry points. But they had no way of getting in, except if they came with a tank trough our front gate. Yet that didn't stop them from trying. After they scouted our position for some time, they decided it was time to assault from the North – East corner. Five cars stopped on the street next to our as the ones inside got out and got ready to charge as we turned our weapons towards their position, this was about to be the moment of truth.

I was on the roof with an M4 rifle, along with most of the others. After the crowd of people started charging I still held the fire back until I was sure they were in range. And we waited as they advanced… and waited… and waited. We were sick and tired of hiding; we were sick and tired of them taking our men out one by one while they were defenseless; we were done seeing people backstab us over promises of power; we were sick of all the corruption, even the one once spreader by us. This was to be it… half of The Agency and most of the people they had licking their asses against the last ones that had the courage to fight against their oppression.

And one by one they crushed their skulls against out gates as I gave the order to open fire and bullets rained from Zombotech upon them like the sky itself tuned into a machine gun proposed to smite them down. Less than half of the first wave managed to pass the street in order to get to our front gate, only to realize that there was no way to gain entry, and even if they managed to enter, another group of our men were waiting for them with loaded machine guns.

That's the moment when I sensed it… it was coming from beneath, just in front of our gates… it was like I could feed on it… like all my senses suddenly increased and my motivation grew… it was _**fear**_. The ones that managed to cross the street alive and get to our gates found themselves heavily outnumbered by foes they couldn't even get a single shot at and trapped between a steel reinforced concrete gate and a street that was poured with gunfire. And they were terrified… I can actually imagine them realizing they were sent by their superiors in a suicide mission, no one even interested if they were to come back or not, yet now it was too late to do something; now it was too late to quit; too late to deny all the power that was promised; too late to live a peaceful life… as it was just about to end.

So I decided to put them out of their misery and reached towards my sniper rifle. I took aim and made kill after kill, first picking up the ones seeking refuge along the gate line where the machine guns had no angle to get a shoot at, and then I picked up the ones that tried to flee for their lives. Only one wave and the street in front of our building had rivers of blood pouring across it along with tens of bodies lying breathlessly while our defenses held so strong that we suffered absolutely no casualties, not even a broken nail on the trigger of a gun. We had enough bullets to waste, so we made sure that none of the attackers even had the chance to crawl to a rescue after being incapacitated. Even after each of them was down we poured enough clips into each body to make sure that not even Doctor House could do anything for them except wishing them to rest in pieces.

Yet they didn't stop there… after that wave another one came from the North – West corner, yet it had the exact same result, only adding to the corpses and the blood flooding the street. Eventually they decided to attack us from the sky, coming in with helicopters. None of those even managed to get in range of our roof before falling out of the sky to the ground level only to kill even more of the ones that were still lying and praying to God in front of our gate where the machine guns don't usually reach.

I've spent two hours firing my M4 rifle, another hour looking trough the scope of my sniper and picking up any other sharpshooters on the rooftops of the buildings around us or picking up attackers when they attempted to flee. After their attack was fully broken I decided to go downstairs and see what went on between Tyrone and the vice director while we made sure that out of a full army, not even one man managed to step inside and bother them.

And I stepped inside the weapons room with another two of my men by my side only to find Doc (the one Tyrone took inside along with him) finishing the vice director off by emptying a full clip of a semiautomatic pistol in his skull. Tyrone got shot in there; it wasn't too bad, but he needed some help in order to walk afterwards. And so we came out of the battle with an almost flawless victory. Yet we didn't stop there…

After everything settled down we took pictures of each body lying breathlessly on the street in front of Zombotech and had customized carpets and linoleum ordered with all the mass of bodies lying there with their skulls cracked open as a desired image for them, and we will install them in all our headquarters, offices and even our houses; stepping over each and every one of them even when we go to the bathroom in the morning to take a shit.

After the coast was clear we headed back to Missionary Hill to tend to our very few wounded and celebrate our victory, also to make plans for what is to come ahead. We won this fight, but the war has just begun. I didn't notice any other high rank present on the body list except the one Tyrone and Doc took out, neither did I expect them to take things into their own hands and risk coming after us themselves. Because after all… we are fighting a bunch of cowards with lots of influence.

So it is certain that after this bold move they will come after us, and this time it ain't even close to how it was before. The Hitman Agency is based on fear, on the illusion of something that is untouchable, unbreakable… with other invulnerable. And they can't afford to lose that illusion; they can't afford people realizing that hitmans are just as mortal as the rest of us. Because then more and more people like us will rise, until they find themselves hunted at every corner. Yet today we all raised and stood up against them, and here we are… with more than our breaths to state that hitmans can be killed, but with carpets and linoleum to prove it. And not only did we defy them, but we managed to light up a beacon, a beacon that people can see and realize that we can still stand against them, that they are not as powerful as everyone thinks.

And Bando's agency can't afford that… they can't afford us destroying the illusion they worked so hard on creating. So their revenge will come swiftly, and it will come soon. They will try to hunt us down one by one; we will have C4 placed in each of our cars, even on our Mountain Bikes; we will have snipers camping the window of our bathrooms 24/7. Right now, we would be in less danger if we were the most wanted criminals in the whole state.

So while Doc made all of this concerns clear, I stood up the couch and said "Let them come… we've beaten them once, we can do it one hundred times more." It doesn't matter what they do or what they bring against us, as long as _**we **_know we can win this war and don't back up in fear as we once did, we will come out victorious. All we need to do is not believe, but know that we can win this, and wait for others to realize this as well.

The night didn't end here however, as we had an unexpected surprise. After tending to our wounded and having a good time celebrating, I went outside to get some things from my office, only to find Wade Holmes in front of our door, the former leader back when I, Tyrone and Arthur were part of the Tierra Robada Secret Service. He asked to see Tyrone, yet as I knew he was injured and given that we have a hard time trusting even our friends nowadays, I told him that Tyrone stayed behind at Zombotech for the night.

Yet wade wasn't convinced, as he stated that he knew Tyrone was here… one of the arguments he brought up was the fact that his retired FBI truck was parked on the property, and the other being the fact that I was just speaking to him. I wasn't really in the mood for an argument so I simply told him that Tyrone didn't drive the truck today and turned my back on him, heading towards my office. It was only after I made two steps that I realized… how could he have known I was just talking with Tyrone?

So then I turned back to Wade and eyed him up and down. Wade simply stood there and looked me in the eye, giving me a firm nod. He confirmed it to me… he was there to let me know that during the fight in Zombotech, the vice director of the hitman agency managed to put a bug on Tyrone. However, the idiot managed to put the frequency of the microphone right on the Border's Security radio, where our friend Wade got hired after leaving Tierra Robada.

So afterwards I gave Wade a nod of appreciation, saying no more to him. Instead I reached towards my wallet and took out a check paper and a pen, writing "You have a Bug on you, follow my lead." After that I went back inside and offered the check paper to Tyrone, to which he remained silent for a few moments and then nodded as I motioned for the door.

We left the property in my car and started talking to each other about hiding in one of our outposts in Las Venturas, while in fact we headed straight for my beach house in Ocean Flats. As soon as we arrived there we managed to locate the bug placed on Tyrone and made a few shootouts for all the hitmans that were listening before running an ultrasound recording with a noise that could make one go deaf if played loud enough, disposing of the bug afterwards.

We've spent the night at my house while all our bases in San Fierro were on lockdown. We won today, tomorrow we fight once more. And here I am… I keep writing… I keep fighting… I push on, until the last wall goes down or I break against it.


	14. 13-August-2014

13-August-2014

What do you do when your own mind begins to turn on you slowly? When you can find no more answers to the questions you thought were already accounted for? Not to mentions the new ones that came since then. But more important… what do you do when you can no longer find answer to the question that keeps you alive… what do you do when you don't know what your porpose in this world is anymore?

Some would turn to putting a gun in their mouth in order to end it all, but why would I do such a thing? First of all, if I were to do such a thing, it would mean that all that I fought for so far, all I accomplished, all I suffered was in vain. As I said before, some of us have been through too much to think like that anymore. You don't just give up after life's throwed so much at you, maybe simply because you feel special. Life doesn't give its best shoot to everyone, now does it?

With suicide not on the option list, what is there left? Some would look to find something that could give their lives a meaning. A dream, a mission… something for which to wake up in the morning, something that keeps you going. But over the years I had enough dreams, and I could make almost none of them come true, nor are they still worth fighting for. Not for me.

Am I supposed to wait for something to come up along the rest of my journey? Well this doesn't even seem like a journey, it just feels like a train that's standing in the station for months now. Where am I supposed to go? What is there left to come that hasn't came and gone already? It feels like there is no track left up ahead, like I speeded my way through the railway so fast that I reached the end of it before the train was due to go out of service…

Yet I keep waking up every morning. For what, that I know not. Dark have my dreams been of late, yet it affects me in almost no way. Dreams of a past I cannot run from, turned to a future that will never come to pass. Yet I embrace it, as I have no will left to reject it. I started writing letters, as I feel as if I have nothing to lose if I do so. However my letters are not sent via any kind of mail service… the only way I could send them is by burning them every night as soon as they are finished. One copy of each letter I will leave here for myself and the original will always be burned.

* * *

**A letter follows after this page of the journal.**

_Dear Madeline…_

_I see no sense in keeping track of how old you would have been at any given time in my life, as either way it is an age you will never reach, except in my mind. And as I look at you trough it every night, you look more and more beautiful, yet I know time has nothing to do with this. You never speak though, but the way I imagine your voice, it is as crystalline as the sound of a perfect little bird._

_I wonder why you never speak in my mind… maybe it is because I know not what you would say, what your judgment would be like, what your resolve to problems be..._

_And I think that is because none of us could know, as you are unlike all of us. You were sent to change us all… to save us. To bring order to this chaos. To make sense out of all, to give us hope. To give us something worth fighting for. Yet that day never came, nor will it have another chance._

_That day should have been the end of my world; the beginning of yours. Yet your world will never come, and we will remain stuck in that of me and the ones alike me until the end._


	15. 1-November-2014

1-November-2014

It's been so long since I last wrote in here, yet so few has changed from my point of view. Time took it's tool, old wounds now turned to scars, visions changed, people forgotten… people forgiven. Yet we are still here, still in my world. I could either cry the years I have left in this life until any chance to change something is long gone, or I could go out there every day and try. There must be a reason for which I'm still alive after all.

From the eyes of an outsider, many things would seem to have changed. For starters I and Tyrone are not as close as we used to be when I wrote the previous entry of the journal. Nothing happened between the two of us, we just realized that what was keeping us together were just old grudges… grudges we decided to put behind us. We are still friends, yet we call upon one another ever less often.

I started to spend more time with Arthur however. I decided that if I wanted to turn my career around, he would be the one to go with. And it proved to be worth it, as a few weeks back Arthur's political position got him as the Secretary of Defense in the government of San Andreas. After that, it wasn't long until I was elected Deputy Secretary of Defense, third in command after the president of the state, Matthew John Richard.

Right now I am in a position that really could help me change something, at least in the state of San Andreas. Yet wherever I go, war seems to follow my every footstep. The period of Arthur's and my election in office is one of conflict. Although over the past few months the relations between San Andreas and Tierra Robada have improved, a new threat has risen for the people of this island. A group that has recently caught our attention based on top of Mount Chiliad and called The Royal Union of Whetstone want to take the region of Whetstone for their own, including the small town of Angel Pine. This new union is led by Carlos Anaya that has named himself King of Whetstone. What's worse is that this guy has the support of most of the people in Angel Pine, as him and his men bought most of the properties there.

As you could imagine, we couldn't just hand out a portion of our country just because someone's smoked too much in the morning and by noon he decided he should be king. So whatever attempts Anaya had to diplomatically make the region of Whetstone a separate state just like Tierra Robada were rejected by our government, we even had the National Guard raid their base as we received intel that they stored military grade weapons there. Of course Anaya's men didn't comply, so although we are not sure which side opened fire first, that raid turned to an all out gunfight. Anaya later accused us of terrorism for that act; threatening our state with all out war should they be "harassed" any longer, only so that two days later his men could deliver a car bomb in the middle of Pershing Square.

Tierra Robada proposed soon after that they dispatch Peace Keeping troops in the region of Whetstone, yet our Department of Defense along with the president did not take the bait. What were those troops meant to do? Protect us from Anaya's men, or the other way around? Tierra Robada will not be trusted with this matter, nor with too many as long as I and Arthur are the Department of Defense. We of all men know best what Tierra is capable of.

So our first task is to take care of this situation. We will take a diplomatic approach, should negotiations fail, well… an attempt to take a part of a country's territory is an act of all out war, and our response will not delay.

Given these events, me and Arthur decided to pay a visit to the National Guard's fort of DeMorgan just a day ago to see the condition of the fort, also to inform the general that should a diplomatic solution not be found soon to solve the conflict with The Royal Union of Whetstone, we will be facing an increase of the DEFCON level to 4. It was only then that me and Arthur actually realized how far up we managed to get in the government, when the major in shift at the fort placed his men at our disposition and treated us like his highest authorities, having armed men escort and guard us at every corner of the base, talking to us like he could lose his job every moment should he say any wrong words (well… that and when I called the LSPD over the radio when a drunk man entered the White House and in under two minutes I found the army, FBI and LSPD in front of the gate with a Hunter Helicopter and what not… I guess they couldn't get the tank up the stairs of the yard).

We are ready whatever might be thrown our way, and together with Arthur and President Richard, we work to make a change to the better, this time doing it from top to bottom of the country, not the other way around as we were struggling so far.

* * *

**A letter follows after this page of the journal.**

_Dear Madeline…_

_I carried on all this time with your image in my head. I still see you every night when I close my eyes, yet it doesn't make me want to drop to my knees and cry any longer… it gives me strength. Because I know that you would've wanted me to carry on._

_And I do… I go out there every day trying to make a change. Am I fighting a losing war? I don't care, I'm not going to sit back and do nothing. I couldn't forgive myself for being the one that lived when you died if I ever did that._

_Also with your image in my head I know one more thing… that I will never do the same mistake again._

_I'm starting to hear you speak in my dreams; it's what gave me the power to forgive._


	16. 13-November-2014

14-November-2014

Peaceful have my days been of late. I can't even recall last time I had such a calm week, sitting here and writing this in the balcony on the rear side of the White House with view straight towards the peer and the ocean beyond. There ain't much to do on a daily basin, except paperwork, an inspection every here and there, and enjoying myself for the rest of the day. And boy do I have opportunity to do that, now with the addition of the San Andreas government salary and a nice interest coming in from the bank, my paycheck has raised to somewhere around 100.000 dollars, so I can't really complain financially speaking.

I and Arthur have the White House to ourselves for some time now, as President Richard has been on a leave of absence for three days now. Still it's not like we could go and change the constitution or anything like that while he's not here, nor would we have any reason to. The Royal Union of Whetstone went inactive and under our radar for quite some time now, so we decided to lower the DEFCON back to level 5. Also Tierra Robada is not showing any signs of aggression nor will to cause any, so I believe San Andreas is safe and doesn't have any great need of us, at least for now.

Given the large amount of spare time I had in the past few days, I started looking trough old files and cases in the government databases. I found even reports of the conflict between us and the Borellis, dating back to when me and Arthur first came back to San Andreas, and a lot others in which we were involved over the years. I can't deny that at times I feel a bit nostalgic thinking about those days, yet I keep in mind the fact that I've changed sides since then, now I fight for justice and the safety of not only me and the ones close to me, but for all the citizens of San Andreas. And I don't do it with a gun anymore, but with directives, paperwork and council.

Yet at times old habits tend to kick in… it was three days ago that I had a small incident while transporting some goods with my truck. Somewhere on the road in Flint County a black car tried to ram me off the road. After I managed to stop the truck without crashing it, the driver of the car got out and raised a gun towards the cabin of my truck, shouting at me to get out and put my hands up. Standard truck robbers, I got used to them ever since the days I was doing shipments in San Fierro. I had no time to stop and call for back-up over the department radio as the procedure asked normally, so I needed to defend myself. The moment I opened the door of the truck, I reached towards the gun on my belt and took it out without the black guy noticing it. As soon as I stepped out of the cabin I draw my weapon and aimed it towards the man.

I didn't even realize that I aimed straight for his head. And why shouldn't I? He was aiming a loaded gun at me; procedures of safe defense state in this case that I had the right to shoot him dead where he stood if it was the safest way to get out of this alive. God was it tempting… but it took me only a split second to think it trough, although for me the time it took to convince myself to move the aim towards the guy's right shoulder seemed like an eternity. Yet so I did, and managed to disarm and incapacitate him with a single shot without threatening his life. Then I followed the book rules and called the medics and the police department to take it over from there.

I don't deal in life and death for quite some time. It's easy to take a life, but much harder to give life. I don't claim to be able to judge who deserves to die and who deserves to live, nor entitled to; nor is anyone as far as I'm concerned. Yet after this incident I felt somewhat proud of me. Not proud of the fact that I could draw my weapon stealthily and quickly enough not to get shot at first by someone already aiming at me, but proud that I took the right decision even in hard situation.

I am uncertain of what the future presents, but I look forward to it.

* * *

**A letter follows after this page of the journal.**

_Dear Madeline…_

_I wish you were here with me… I wish you could see the red sun setting behind the peer… bellow the waves on the horizon. I wish I could see you play in the park just north of the White House where I once took your mother._

_But more than that… I wish you could see me do the right thing, what you would have wanted me to do._

_I still think you can see me, after all I see you with my waken eyes even now. Are you really there? Or are you just in a part of my head?_

_Is any of this real? Am I even still alive? At times I start to question that, as even though I had some of the most peaceful days of late; it seems almost as if it's not true. Not… alive…_


	17. 20-November-2014

20-November-14

Of course… peace couldn't have lasted long. I look back to when I wrote the earlier page of this journal almost a week ago outside on the balcony, having peaceful thoughts. Now I can't even hear my own thoughts, all I hear is constant shouting on the department radio of people asking for backup and medics. It's like we're already at war… I haven't slept in over 24 hours by now, and in the meanwhile I've been writing dozens of report, visited Fort Demorgan twice and fought on open field three times. Arthur keeps telling me to get some sleep, but how can I close my eyes when I know the whole country's in danger? Also how can you sleep after getting out of a gunfight that almost took your life? But I'l get to that later on…

It all started some three days ago when The Royal Union of Whetstone became active again, only that this time they were not alone. We received word that Tierra Robada accepted Anaya's request for help in Whetstone, and that could mean only one thing… an alliance formed between these mercenaries and Tierra Robada against San Andreas.

When the news got to The White House I can tell you it was a scramble. We got dragged trough over six meetings and debates before finally me and Arthur were asked to write a report in which we will include what our response will be to these events. Yet I was tired and angry after all that debating, so I asked Arthur to let me write the report alone. So what he did was hand me a white document paper with nothing but his signature at the bottom. "Go teach them."

And my response did not delay…

* * *

**A copy of a government document follows after this page of the journal.**

**Department of Defense Report**

The events so far were marked by the upraising of The Royal Union of Whetstone and all the steps that were taken in attempt to reach a peaceful outcome with the people of Whetstone.

After many attempts to reach a diplomatic end of the conflict that started between our state and the people of Whetstone, followed by many warnings and leading out to acts of terrorism from their side, we believe that we gave Anaya's men ample opportunities to be left alone if respecting the laws of our country, opportunities Anaya and his men decided to so carelessly dismiss.

The drop that filled the glass was when The Royal Union of Whetstone asked for the help of the People's Revolutionary Army of Tierra Robada and they accepted to side with them in this conflict. Even from the start when Tierra Robada offered to send "Peacekeeping troops" in Whetstone to supposedly avoid any conflict between San Andreas and Anaya's men, we believe their actual intent was to defend this band of mercenaries rather than protect the people of San Andreas from them.

If Tierra Robada accepts The Royal Union's alliance with them, then it means the government of Tierra and its army more precisely is directly aiding terrorists that are most likely preparing for a hit against the people of San Andreas.

The department of defense can not accept such an act coming from our neighbors, given the fact that Whetstone is still a part of our country; under no circumstances should Tierra Robada be authorized to send troops in the region of Whetstone or any other region of our state.

Furthermore, we believe that a letter should be sent to the government of Tierra Robada to inform them that any unauthorized attempt to send troops inside our borders will be taken as nothing less than an act of open war.

Anaya and his men are our problem, and we will deal with it accordingly, also we believe that given the current circumstances, the DEFCON level should be once more set to level 3, maybe even lower depending on the response we receive from Tierra Robada's government.

Signed,

**Secretary of Defense**  
Arthur H. Gerrard

**Deputy Secretary of Defense**  
Ace Redford

* * *

**The entry continues on the next page after the document.**

The dices are thrown, now we need to wait and see the response of the other team. Some say it's not the actual war that kills you, but the waiting… not knowing when it will start, knowing it will be over in a flash for most of us, and not knowing the outcome. Will it be today? Will it be before I finish my shift? Will it be at all?

Well no war came yet, but one thing's for sure… although we are unaware if the people involved had anything to do with The Royal Union of Whetstone or Tierra Robada, ever since this morning after me and Arthur set the DEFCON to 3, a lot of attacks on San Andreas took place from inside, almost as if they were testing out ability to respond.

I was at Fort Demorgan instructing the National Guard of the changes brought by the DEFCON level and our approach to the situation when the first incident started. A helicopter with four people inside it turned rampage in Los Santos. They were opening fire from the air and from rooftops on everyone they spotted on the streets. I was face to face with the general when LSPD asked me on department radio to call in the air force. I didn't even say a word to the general, we both rushed out of his office and to the hangars while he was shouting code zero red over the radio.

I couldn't allow them to shoot down that helicopter in the middle of a populated area, so instead I instructed them to force it away from the city. We didn't get to interrogate them though, because as soon as we managed to push them to the edge of Los Santos the pilot of the helicopter lost control when the Hunter class army helicopter got too close to it. The suspects crashed and none survived, the explosion didn't leave any evidence to who was behind this attack either.

That was only the first incident of many to come. I didn't even realize the frequency of the attacks until later when I called in the National Guard to assist the SFPD and LSPD in raiding a group called Mercenaries Motorcycle Club. I needed to stay there and make sure the army and the police departments cooperated with each other, so I grabbed on a Kevlar vest and a helmet and joined raid myself. We didn't encounter that much resistance, but still the adrenaline once more made me somewhat nostalgic, thinking about the days before the government. I didn't get too much time to get lost in thoughts however; as I was returning to my car I heard my cell phone ring. I picked up… it was Arthur. "Are you hearing this?" I replied soon after. "Hearing what?" and he said "Switch to department radio."

I didn't even realize I had my earpiece set to the frequency of the raid operation for quite some time now, so I switched the frequency back to the department radio only to hear a lot of people shouting and reporting attacks, people down, armed suspects, fires and requests for backup. It was so much I could barely keep track of each request. It was as if all hell broke loose, and we were barely holding up. Yet all of this was coming from inside the state, nothing was so far linked to Tierra Robada or The Royal Union of Whetstone.

I was on my way back to the White House with a couple of interns I needed to drop off as well when something came that I wasn't prepared for. I kept focusing on responding to all these threats towards the nation that I forgot to watch my own back while out there. I was passing through the tunnel exiting San Fierro when a car rammed into me and we both hit the edge of the tunnel. I barely got scratched by the accident, but both cars were pretty much wrecked. I was really mad at start, I couldn't care less about the car, it was a government vehicle either way, but I feared I wouldn't get in time back to help with all the requests.

Yet it seemed that the guy driving the other car was even more pissed than me. He got out of his crashed car and walked towards my windshield. Blood was pouring from the black guy's forehead and nose, and when I saw his face and eyes, that's when I understood that not getting to the White House in time was the least of my problems at the moment. That man looked like he was ready to kill someone. So I reached towards my earpiece and started speaking through all the shouting on the frequency.

"Government to SFPD." Then I slowly reached towards my weapon, and instructed the two that were with me to do the same. I wasn't really expecting a reply; I didn't even think someone heard me with all the shouting. That until I heard a soft voice of a woman. "SFPD here, go ahead Government." I recognized the voice from before, this woman responded to most of the SFPD requests during the day, so I realized she must be a high command in the police department. "I got a little situation at-…" I didn't get to finish my sentence before I saw trough the cracked windshield how the black man pulled out a gun and shot one of the interns that were with me. The guy tried to get out of the car with his weapon drawn and face the man, but by the time he took his hand off the door's handle he was already on the floor in a pool of blood. I didn't even get the time to realize what happened.

The next moment I rushed my hand away from my earpiece and to my gun. Then adrenaline started kicking in, but given how it took me by surprise and a coworker died right next to me, so did fear. The other one I was with soon got out as well and opened fire on the man. They shot a few rounds at each other, but eventually my guy took one to the head. I was the last to exit the car and open fire. I counted four rounds while the guy was taking cover behind his car. I knew I had two left before I needed to take full cover and reload. Then I heard a shout coming from his direction, and he stopped firing. I thought that maybe I got him, so I stood up from behind the driver's door I used for cover and approached. I noticed the man's left foot laying on the ground at first, then I started asking myself if I should take the time to reload or not.

Big mistake... while I was thinking of reloading or not I didn't get the focus to react fast enough when the guy leaned to the side from behind the car and shot me in the upper chest and shoulder. I dropped to the ground without the chance to return fire, dropping my gun in the process. I clenched my teeth of pain and looked to the man. He was getting up, and he was walking towards me with his gun in hand, reloading his clip. So I thought… "This is it?" Did I really come so far, did I really go through so much so it could en like this? On the edge of the dam' street at the hands of a mere gangster?

For me the time I thought about it seemed like an eternity, all the while holding my eyes closed and hearing nothing but the metallic sound made by the clip as it slipped into the Colt 45. Yet as the sound stopped, I knew his weapon was reloaded and he was taking aim. It was just about to end, and I wasn't planning to beg for mercy, or all I stood for would be dead already. That moment I opened my eyes… and I saw _her_. I saw Madeline with my opened eyes, and I smiled. For that split second that for me took an eternity, I was at peace.

You must be wondering that if that's the case, then who wrote all of this down? Well apparently it wasn't my time to go just yet. As the man was aiming at me and preparing to pull the trigger, he suddenly raised his look and aim, opening fire towards the other end of the tunnel. I opened my eyes confused and heard gunshots coming from the direction he was firing at, someone was returning fire, but who? I turned my look to the right as I was lying there, loosing blood. First I saw police cruiser marked SFPD, but before I could set my eyes on whoever was shooting I heard the man drop to the ground just a bit further away from me, so I turned my look to the left and saw the black guy laying on the ground with two holes in his chest.

That's when I got really confused, that's when I started asking myself again "Is this real?" by all I knew I should be dead already. So I turned my look back to my right, and then I saw her… a blonde woman in a police uniform rushing towards me. She got next to me and lowered herself on her knees next to me. Her blonde hair was reaching down to her shoulder level on each side of her face, she had light blue eyes and… I can't tell if she was really that beautiful or it was just me happy to be alive.

When I heard her voice I realized, it was the woman that responded over the department radio. How did she find me? I didn't get to finish my sentence and give her my location… "SFPD to Fire Department, I have a man down inside the San Fierro tunnel, I repeat, I have a government official down!"

Officer: "What happened here? Are you all right?"

Me: "I-… I think so."

Officer: "Don't worry, you'll live through this."

Me: "Well if I do I think the first thing I'll do will be to ask for your phone number."

Funny to hear that coming from someone that's already lost a ton of blood and is still bleeding out on the concrete…

Her: "Sure thing, just hold in there."

Me: "How-… how did you find me?"

Right as I was saying that an ambulance pulled right next to me and I think it was either because of the loud siren or engine that she didn't hear me well, otherwise I can't explain her reply as she left me to the medics. "I'll find you, don't worry."

I wanted to reply, but before I knew it she was gone and I was loaded on a stretcher and inside the ambulance. So as you most likely suspect, I am writing this from the bed of the White House's infirmary. At least I managed to convince them to let me stay here rather than at the hospital. And if all this didn't seem enough for one day, even the vice president had a heart attack and is being closely monitored. We went through hell today. And by tomorrow I must be ready to go back out there again. And now lying back on this bed I wonder once more. Is this real? Am I still alive? Well if the answer is yes, then I have someone I need to thank for that, and I should get to it first thing tomorrow. It's odd; I don't even know her name…

* * *

**A letter follows after this page of the journal.**

_Dear Madeline…_

_I fear for what is coming. I fear that I might not be able to avoid an all out war. I fear to walk through a valley of corpses, knowing that I and I alone put all of them there._

_I never wondered if the responsibility I took when accepting this job might be too much for me, but I know it's too late to back up now. I need to finish what I started, I need to make a better country, I need to keep them all safe._

_Yet something happened today that hasn't happened for some time now, taking Arthur out of the equation that is. Today someone else kept me safe…_


	18. 23-November-2014

23-November-2014

I'm walking through a valley of corpses… and I know I'm the one that put them there…

We were supposed to be prepared for this, but we never have pictured it like so.

Early in the morning we got called in to the White House where President Richard was holding a meeting with all the San Andreas factions to congratulate them for their hard work and hold a speech, personally I think he had in mind the elections that are coming up soon rather than actually wanting to actually dedicate the day to the factions. The National Guard was defending the White House during the meeting; the FBI was checking everyone inside to make sure no one was there uninvited. Everything felt so calm, nothing inclined towards what was about to follow…

Inside I met up with Jessika which is part of the National Guard for quite some time now, so to spare her from the duty to guard the door I asked the general to allow her to escort me around the White House for some more protection. We went inside the press conference room when the president was about to hold his sppech. With most of the National Guard there and all the police factions of San Andreas present, we were safer than ever inside the White House, but still I had a bad feeling about this. While all the ones that have the duty to protect were here with us, who was left to guard the rest of San Andreas?

The president started his speech, to which I paid almost no attention at all, I couldn't escape the thought that something's not right. In my tension I started looking around the conference room, until sitting at the back of the chamber, I saw _her_. The SFPD officer that saved my life just three days ago. I found out in the meanwhile that her name was Samantha McHarris and she lives here in San Andreas with her brother, a guy I happened to meet on the same day I first encountered her. I thought of speaking to her after the meeting was over, but that thought didn't last for long, as Murphy's Law had to apply as always…

Suddenly I heard a transmission of the inter-state communication line trough my earpiece. The commander of Tierra Robada's army was threatening that if we do not open the tools on the border and allow people to enter their state, they will do it themselves. The commander of the National Guard clearly explained it to the man that those tools are closed to keep the people of Tierra outside San Andreas, not the other way around, and that the tools will remain closed, should anyone from San Andreas want to go to Tierra Robada they could feel free to take a plane.

But the two could not reach an understanding, and the executive officer of Tierra Robada kept threatenig that unless we open the border, they will do it themselves. So I switched the frequency of my earpiece to the internal government radio and told everyone that we should stop the meeting and attend to the situation at hand, but most of my fellow government agents decided that Tierra was only bluffing and we need to stay focused on the event at hand. So I just shaked my head and waited, staring down at my watch, waiting for those five minutes to pass. They say it's not the war that kills you, but the waiting… and those five minutes did more than the past two days managed two.

"This is the border patrol; an explosion was just heard coming from the border with Tierra Robada on Hoover Bridge."

The few cabinet members and law enforcement officers that had their department radios still on suddenly went silent and started looking around. I simply raised up from my chair and walked towards the door, passing right in front of the president's stage and giving him and the ones that told me to stay focused on the event at hand a very expressive look. I walked outside and took all the soldiers guarding the doors I passed by, five men and Jessika, and walked outside of the White House and to the military helicopter.

I asked the pilot to take us to the bridge where the explosion was reported and we took off. It's been a while since I was last inside a military transport helicopter; I forgot how it was to fly with no doors to the sides, just a belt holding you not to fall out. I soon remembered the days when I first served in the war, only it was on Tierra's Side. I recalled the constant noise of the helicopter blades… the smoke… the gunshot noise… and I recalled the death that was surrounding me. And soon I remembered felt the weight of the layers of Kevlar pulling me down, the helmet and the glasses narrowing my vision, and the gas mask that was giving me the impression of suffocating. Am I really going through this again?...

"Sir, I see a vehicle on the ground!" The pilot's words pulled me back to reality and I opened my eyes and looked to the ground level. The tools on our side of the border were gone, the bastards used C4 to blow them up, but there was no sign of any Tierra soldier, only a vehicle baring Tierra's colors. "Take us down on our side of the border!"

The pilot did as I instructed and landed the helicopter on the highway just at the end of the bridge. We rushed out; the soldiers already had their weapons out and kept them aimed towards Tierra's side of the border, protecting me from all sides. I ordered them to stay put while I approached the car left just at the end of our border line. It was a sports car with a low window, so I couldn't see inside from this angle. The moment I lowered myself so I could look inside I saw a soldier dressed in Tierra's uniform speaking towards a large radio. And then I heard _it_… that sound still haunts me to this day… a Hunter class helicopter was approaching. Before we knew it Tierra's side of the border was full of armed soldiers aiming at us, over 20 men and a Hunter above them tilting its machine gun towards us. And I was there with a rifle squad of six men…

My men rushed to surround me as soon as the soldiers appeared, but we were clearly outnumbered and outgunned. I tried to shout at them a demand to speak to their general, but I doubt anyone heard anything more than the blades of that Hunter. Until, trough all the noise, I could hear two gunshots, then I realized we needed to get out of there. "Pull back!"

We rushed back to the helicopter and took off headed towards DeMorgan. After we were out of their gun range I realized what the two shots I heard were. One of the soldiers that was with me was bleeding, and from his Kevlar vest we managed to pull out one bullet, the other barely scratched his arm. Compared to the conflicts we had so far, this time we knew… _they opened fire first_. Then Arthur called on the Radio. "Ace, what's the situation at the border." I took a moment and looked to Jessika, and then I turned to my radio. "Get the president to the Situations Room, and send the army back here, we need them. Send the other factions to their bases and tell them to await orders. As of right now… we are at war."

And so it began… with a pack of C4 and two bullets. That's enough reason for hundreds of people to loose their lives from some points of view. After the army regrouped at fort DeMorgan we prepared to strike back. Arthur stayed at the White House with the president and the rest of the cabinet members, I decided to stay at DeMorgan and organize our offensive from here. Tierra Robada's soldiers already proceeded to blow the tools on the Fort Carson bridge on the 207 as well, so I imagined the two bridges leading to San Fierro would be next.

I asked the SFPD to station some men at both Gant and Garver Bridge and keep us updated in case they spot the enemy. I did this so we would have a head's up when they prepare to attack another border so we would know where to expect them next; I had no idea what SFPD understood trough my order…

While I was preparing the air force and the artillery to deploy from DeMorgan, the enemy marched on Garver Bridge. However, when the police officers saw the soldiers approach, they didn't do as they were instructed. They did not radio in and they did not retreat, they held their ground in attempt to defend the bridge. There was nothing to defend though after Tierra brought in a Hunter. From what I understood, they opened fire on SFPD as soon as they got in range. Ten police officers died on that bridge trying to defend it with dam' Colts against a war machine gun… and I'm the one that sent them there…

Tierra's troops already pulled back by the time we got there. And I could do nothing more but walk through the debris and corpses, looking for answers to questions I should have answered to long ago. Department radio was quiet, and everyone there was looking to me, even the general. So I pulled every unit back, including the police departments. The president did not allow us to march on Tierra Robada, so we needed to focus on defending ourselves before we could think of counter-attacking. One thing's for sure… after so much regret and desolation, noting feels more sweet than the taste of revenge…

They managed to blow our borders… they managed to kill 10 police officers… but when they tried to bomb DeMorgan they found their Hunters going down like flies nailed against the wall by a very large boot. That because the first thing I did after Garver Bridge was to set fort DeMorgan to maximum security. 60 seconds from when they entered our airspace, that's all it took for us to bring 3 Hunters down. It was just a small victory, but it made the attacks cease, at least for now, and at least from Tierra Robada.

As I was returning to the White House after an hour of running through the radars of the fort to make sure the enemy wasn't advancing anymore, I got a call on the radio from the LSPD that was overrun when a gunfight started against an unknown group at Jefferson Hotel. So I asked the National Guard to send in a strike team and meet up with the mat the hotel. When we got there we found no one outside, the sight was empty, and so we headed inside. We took it slowly, checking each room. The hotel was already evacuated of civilians and the LSPD pulled out, so if we found anyone inside it would have been pretty obvious it was a hostile.

Here I found myself on the field right in the heart of the fire once more. The National Guard gave me a M4A1 rifle over my standard Desert Eagle; also I took on a Kevlar vest because after sending ten men to their deaths I insisted to be amongst the first ones to go in. At the end of the corridor we stumbled across two armed men and shouted for them to drop their weapons and get down, but when they saw us I heard one of them shout on his radio "They're here!" and then they took cover and opened fire on us. After an exchange of bullets that took somewhere under than two minutes we managed to put them down without any of our men suffering any injury, but I had that bad feeling again, especially after I heard what that guy said on the radio.

And I was right to have that feeling, as when I led the men out of the hotel we found the parking lot surrounded by armed men taking cover behind cars and the barriers left there by the LSPD. They opened fire on us as soon as we stepped out of the hotel, and for the next half an hour we found ourselves fighting our way out of this trap. We were pinned down and outnumbered, but we never called for back-up, we knew that if we risked bringing more soldiers here then we risked not having enough men to respond in case Tierra attacked again, and we couldn't afford another Garver Bridge…

We fought there until nightfall before it was finally safe to pull out, and good timing too, we were almost all out of ammo. We lost only one soldier there, but we managed to kill almost all of the attackers. Even though outnumbered, we had superior training, and the general was there to make a strategy at each step, so we knew that the odds were not that bad from the start.

When I finally got back to the White House I was in a horrible shape. I finally managed to meet up with Arthur and he started right off with saying "I'm very disappointed at you…"

In that moment I thought of all the men that died today because of me, although if I did nothing it would have been much worse. But that thought didn't last for long as he continued…

"You still didn't ask Samantha for her number!"


	19. 26-November-2014

26-November-2014

I think I should start by saying… events didn't really go as I planned…

I was away from the country with business for most of the day, until at around 6 PM I got an urgent message from Arthur, asking me to return as soon as possible. He told me that DeMorgan was under attack by Tierra's forces. So I got in the first jet back to San Andreas, when I got back I didn't even bother to stop by the White House, I asked the pilot to take me straight to the military fort. By the time I got there the siege was over, Tierra didn't manage to take over or destroy much of the fort, but many men lost their lives defending it. The general wasn't moved however, he still saw this as a victory as long as the casualties on the enemy's side were greater than those on our side.

However, on my way there I got word from someone me and Arthur placed inside Tierra Robada's forces that they were summoning all their forces at the border line on Sherman Dam. So I warned the general, but he said it wouldn't be wise to engage them at the border; they had a better advantage inside the safety of DeMorgan. There wasn't much I could do there except wait for them to attack, so I took my helicopter and left the base. I decided to take a look over Sherman Dam and see for myself what Tierra could muster. However when I got there, it turned out to be a bit more than I expected… I only got to count three tanks, three Hunters, some two Hydra jets and a Rustler flying around the area before I heard my co-pilot shout "They see us! Hunters are turning towards us!"

I was in a government transport helicopter, and I am very sure that helicopter's never seen such a hasty retreat before. We rushed so much in the opposite direction that we passed over DeMorgan at somewhere around 150 miles an hour. It's a good thing they recognized the helicopter and didn't shoot us down "Deputy Secretary is something burning? Or were you just offered a promotion should you get back to The White House in time?" It was that moment we realized no one was following us; it was good we had altitude advantage, so I caught my breath and told the general what was waiting at our border on Sherman Dam, still he held his opinion that engaging them there would be a bad idea. He did raise all the fighter planes available and ordered the pilots to make rounds above the base.

I was heading back to the White House to consult with Arthur when I suddenly heard the general of People's Republican Army (Tierra's army) address the department of Defense over international radio. Arthur wasn't responding, as usual, so I take he left it to me to handle it. I was a bit startled however, they addressed straight to my department not five minutes after spotting my helicopter take note of their presence. Could they have recognized the government helicopter? Or even me as the pilot? But from where?...

"Department of Defense here, go ahead PRA." After my reply there was silence for a few moments before the man spoke again. He told me that if I want to avoid conflict I am to present myself at the border on Sherman Dam for a negotiations meeting in five minutes top. I didn't like their approach from the start; it was as if they were demanding me to meet them with a subliminal 'or else…', and besides I already knew what was waiting for me on that dam, so I told them I'd meet them after they pull all their troops, artillery and air force out of the area.

There was silence for another few moments; most likely the moment they realized they no longer had the element of surprise. Then they asked me to meet them at a safe place in the small town of Las Barrancas and told me that I need not worry for my safety as this was going to be a purely diplomatic meeting. I asked them that we do this meeting on San Andreas territory but they insisted it must be held in their state. Silence prevailed for a few moments as I thought about it. I could have called the National Guard to pull out all their artillery and air force and meet Tierra on that dam with a force large enough to confront them should things go south, but maybe that's what they had in mind all along. I didn't want to move the army from DeMorgan and leave the fort undefended, they already attempted to siege it earlier, fortunately they had no luck with that.

Then Arthur suddenly addressed me on the government radio and told me not to go, that it was most likely a trap. I wasn't that stupid not to realize it was almost for sure a trap, but then again it was the only way left to try and end this conflict without any more men losing their lives. "Very well PRA, I will meet you in Las Barrancas in 20 minutes. Head's up though, I will be escorted." They would have most likely thought I was going to bring National Guard soldiers with me, but I had other plans, I wasn't going to weaken DeMorgan's defenses with a single man. Instead I addressed the FBI on department radio and told them to assemble an escort team and get a transport helicopter ready.

I told them this could just as well be a suicide mission, so only the ones that think they are up for it should come. I met up with the team on the roof of the FBI headquarters. Only four men came, all of them without family or children. So we got in a military transport helicopter and left towards Tierra. Me, four FBI agents and my pilot, that was all I was taking with me should this indeed be a trap as I suspected. I briefed them on our way there, and when we reached the border I requested permission on Tierra's air control frequency to enter their air space. It got granted straight away by the general of the PRA. Before we landed they asked me if there is anything else they should know or do, and I told them it wouldn't be a bad idea to say a prayer. Only one agent actually took my advice, and he was right to do so…

After we landed a man dressed in a waiter suite led us to a small office building. I recognized the office from my days as a special agent under the Tierra government; it used to be an Intelligence Agency office, taken over by the army after TRIA fell. I instructed my pilot to stay by the helicopter and be ready to start it up should we be in need o a hasty retreat, two of the agents I left at the entrance of the office to keep an eye on the situation outside and took the other two inside with me. In the office there were four PRA soldiers standing by each wall with their weapons out, guarding the place. I was greeted by Colonel Robin Thicke, the man I spoke with over on international radio. And to have a better idea of the things that were said during that meeting, I will have Jasmine print the recorded conversation between me, mister Thicke and special agent Lloyd Fiasco that was with me.

Robin Thicke: Come take a seat!

Waiter: I did as you asked Master Colonel Thicke.

Robin Thicke says: Good job, fill up my glass of wine.

Waiter: Yes sir.

Robin Thick: So, tell me of your concerns.

Ace Redford: My concerns? Well... you declared war to our state less than three days ago.

Robin Thicke: That is correct.

Ace Redford: Ever since you've been on the foot of war without making any actual requests or letting us know why you decided to do this.

Waiter: Anything Else Master Colonel?

Robin Thicke: This is the worst wine I've ever had.

Lloyd Fiasco: Your...pet, thing, whatever it is. It's making me uncomfortable.

Robin Thicke: Tony, go sit in the corner of the room.

Waiter: Yes master colonel.

It was here when the man dressed in a waiter suit got up from standing on all his fours as he did ever since stepping inside the office like a dog at the colonel's command. The man approached special agent Fiasco and whispered something to him that Jasmine's very sensitive microphones were able to record. "Help me!"

Robin Thicke: Did not you not hear the news? You don't know why?

Ace Redford says: Well you started with the tolls that were closed, that I know.

Robin Thicke: No, actually it all began when the National Guard invaded our country, and attacked our soldiers. And also attempted to take out our country's executive officer, Cesar Vialpando. In response we demanded you open your tolls, so we destroyed them as you would not open them for us...

Lloyd Fiasco: Could you tell me who exactly carried out this assassination attempt?

Robin Thicke: I did not get their names, but I do remember burning their bodies.

Lloyd Fiasco says: So how do you know it was us?

Robin Thicke: They were wearing your army's uniforms and they were driving your army's vehicles.

Lloyd Fiasco: Perhaps they were imposters?

Ace Redford: What about badges? Didn't you get to look at them?

Robin Thicke: Unfortunately not, we were too busy locking our borders down.

At this point I got really suspicious, never has Arthur or I approved of such an attack against Tierra Robada, and the National Guard wouldn't have done something like this without at least consulting the Department of Defense. It could have been just a band of mercenaries, but you're telling me that those soldiers had uniforms and badges and after killing them you did not stop to look at one single badge? That I found hard to buy…

Ace Redford: Why didn't you seek a meeting then? Why didn't you ask us to do something about it?

Robin Thicke: We already have tried to talk with your military's leaders, your president. They are all closed minded, and ignorant. Your army has launched attacks upon us several times; we will not fight fire with wind.

Lloyd Fiasco says: Did you try to contact the Secretary of State or the Secretary of Defense?

Robin Thicke: There was absolutely no time for that, we already tried to speak to your nation's figurehead. Which, might I add, is the only person we recognize of your government.

Lloyd Fiasco says: If he's a figurehead, why would you try to talk to him?

Robin Thicke: Because he is regarded as your nation's leader.

Lloyd Fiasco says: But has talking to him in the past ever gotten you what you wanted?

Robin Thicke: He's always been feeble minded and adjacent.

Lloyd Fiasco: So, you've tried to talk to him in the past and you've never gotten anywhere.

Robin Thicke: We've only spoken to him twice.

Lloyd Fiasco: And both were a fail?

Robin Thicke: Both times he has simply been stubborn and stupid.

Lloyd Fiasco: Just a suggestion, but try to talk to the Secretary of Defense instead.

Robin Thicke: We don't recognize your nation's government unfortunately. We just see Richard as a representative of all of your militias. And we absolutely will not recognize your nation until you decide to change your code of laws, and your constitution.

Lloyd Fiasco: And how far has that gotten you?

Ace Redford says: Well, I believe that is a topic for another day. We are here, either if you recognize our department or not.

Lloyd Fiasco: Alright. Let's move on. You don't recognize us, that much is clear.

Robin Thicke: Unfortunately, I must go. The General is coming to take my place though.

Ace Redford: Very well, we will wait for him here. Thank you for the time.

And so the colonel patted the guy in a waiter suit like a dog and went out the door of the office. When we asked one of the soldiers why are they keeping the man like this they said that given the weather dogs don't like Tierra Robada, so instead they are using this man as one. He said they are paying him for it and that he does it on his own will. Now why did both I and agent Fiasco doubt that? We looked at each other for a moment, but we both knew we were here on a more important porpoise than save a man from slavery; we needed to try and stop a war that could lead to the deaths of hundreds. Still this gave us an even better idea of what People's Republican Army really was.

While we were waiting there I recognized one of the soldiers there, it was Nick Hawthorne. He knew me back when I was part of the Tierra Robada Intelligence Agency, but I didn't say a word, besides I don't think it would have been a good idea them finding out I was a former IA agent. After a few minutes a woman entered the office and walked up to me. She didn't even introduce herself, I just heard when one of the soldiers there called her Emily. We sat down and started talking, at some point she asked me if I wanted anything to drink, so I asked for a cup of mint tea.

We didn't get to cover too many topics as she didn't want to move on from the topic of how supposedly our National Guard invaded their territory, attacked their soldiers and attempted to kidnap their executive officer. She just didn't want to let go of the topic however much I tried to explain to her that our government has no knowledge of such events and no Tierra Robada official ever reported this crime.

As I said, we didn't get to talk for too long though as while we were in the middle of the conversation three armed men rushed inside and aimed their weapons at me and the two FBI agents, to which the soldiers already in the room raised their weapons as well and they all shouted for us to get down against the floor. I never even minded the fact that I was right about this being a trap, but that Arthur was right as well, and he doesn't have a very nice way of saying 'I told you so.'

The agents that were with me raised their hands, they were heavily outnumbered and did not even have their weapons drawn. They just looked to me and waited for a sign, I still don't have any idea what happened to my pilot and the two agents I left outside. I however paced all my chips on a move that I knew from the start would likely get the agents that were in here with me killed. They didn't want me dead, if they would, they would have killed us on the spot… they wanted to capture me so they could find out whatever information about the approach San Andreas is taking and how to take fort DeMorgan, as all their attempts so far failed. That, or blackmail the San Andreas government against my return in one piece. I wasn't going to let that happen, and I knew that everyone in that office was under orders that under no circumstance must I get killed.

So I casually reached towards my cup of mint tea left on the table and said with a sarcastic tone "Well, this was unexpected." Then I tool a last sip from my tea while two men were aiming M4 rifles to my head and shouting for me to get down, then I slowly placed the cup down on the coffee table and stood up. The first thing I did after standing up was to grab the back of the chair I sat on and slam it against the head of the soldier that was closest to me. At the sight of this the agents that were with me pulled out their weapons and opened fire from behind a desk on the soldiers.

As soon as the one I hit with the chair-… dam' did it fell good! As soon as he fell to the ground the soldier behind me lowered his rifle and charged me in attempt to put me to the ground. However, by the time he got close enough I already draw my Desert Eagle from the holster and shot the man right in the stomach without even raising my hand from that level. The man lost control of his charge as I shoot him and just tugged into my shoulder, falling to the ground rubbing against my right side. They wanted me captured? Well I wasn't going to let them do that without a fight…

However, the soldiers were ordered that only I am needed alive, therefore the two agents that were in there with me soon got shot down, fortunately they took another three soldiers down with them. The other two that were left inside eventually opened fire towards my leg area, but I rolled under the desk and took cover. I heard Nick Hawthorne when he was trying to call for back-up over his radio, so I rose up and opened fire on him. I managed to hit him in the shoulder before I had to duck under the desk again to avoid fire coming from the other soldier and from Emily that eventually decided to take our her weapon as well after seeing how five of her men got shot down trying to apprehend one. After I shot Nick he rushed out of the office to safety, which left me only with one soldier and Emily inside.

I was taking cover behind the desk and the two of them were aiming at me in front of it, until suddenly I noticed the fact that the desk was not pinned to the ground, it was sitting on wheels. So I pushed the desk forward as fast as I could and slammed the two against the wall with an 80 kilo piece of furniture. When I raised up I noticed Emily got knocked out on impact, the other soldier however was trying to reach back for his weapon. I didn't have a choice; I knew that they couldn't afford me getting away so most likely this time the man would have aimed to kill. So I shot the man right in the head and his upper body fell flat on the surface of the desk.

The next thing I did was rush to the door of the office and collapse a bookcase in front of it to buy some time. While I was fighting I think I heard over department radio that one of the agents that was waiting outside already called the National Guard to start a rescue operation, I guess the two and my pilot managed to get away somehow. So I waited inside a few moments until I heard someone try the door I just sealed. That was my chance; they were trying to get in trough the front so I went out trough the backdoor of the office. I was lucky I knew where it led from the days I was in TRIA. I got on the main street and started running towards the bridge south, the soldiers spotted me however and started running towards me.

I was more than ten miles from the border on foot, that's when I thought that all that effort was for nothing and that I got two agents killed only so I could still get captured. That thought didn't last for long though as a military helicopter with National Guard colors suddenly landed in front of me. The first face I recognized trough inside the opened door helicopter was Arthur. A few men got out to the sides and opened fire on the soldiers that were chasing me, so I jumped inside and we took off immediately.

I managed to escape, however I escaped Tierra Robada only to face Arthur that was mad at me for knowingly heading straight inside a trap and risking my life and all of San Andreas. I tried to explain to him why I did that but he wouldn't listen, he ordered the men to take me straight to the Department of Correction's prison and throw me inside a cell for the night so I wouldn't get myself in danger again. I couldn't order the men not to do so, his orders still came over mine although most of the time it was me giving all the orders.

So here I am… writing this from behind the bars of cellblock A of the DoC. I need to wait until morning when a guard will come to check on the prisoners and see I don't belong here so I can get out and head to the White House. I'm the Deputy Secretary of the Department of Defense, yet I have to spend a night in jail. This one I didn't predict, and I sure didn't expect Arthur to go so far with his 'I told you so.'

Two agents died because of me, but at least now we know why Tierra started this war. With what they tried to do today they proved that there wasn't any kidnapping attempt on their executive officer, nor any attack on their soldiers, they just made up this so they would have an excuse to start a war against us. Hell, I wouldn't be surprised if they killed their own civilians and put National Guard uniforms on them so they could forge evidence. They never wanted justice; they just want to take over San Andreas at all cost, and now I know this. I just need to get out of here so I can tell the rest before it's too late.

* * *

**A letter follows after this page of the journal.**

_Dear Madeline…_

_Here I am, behind bars. It's funny how I get here now that I've turned to protecting people and I almost never got here when I was no better than the ones I am fighting against._

_Two people died today because of me, I promise you though that I will make sure their deaths were not in vain, and their sacrifice will help us save many other lives that could have been lost if we didn't know the facts we found out today._

_I keep thinking of you every night, including this one. I don't think you would have liked being in here with me, but I'm sure that If you would have been here, we wouldn't be where we are now in the first place._

_I keep drawing the strength to do what's right from you; I hope it will always be enough. And I'm sorry you will be getting this message with a delay, but when the soldiers threw me in this cell they didn't really leave m with anything to burn the letter, so you will only receive this after I get out of here. _


	20. 27-November-2014

27-November-2014

I woke up early in the morning at the metallic sound of jail bars being stroked. I'm surprised I even managed to sleep. Single person cells meant that for inmates to talk to each other they had to shout from one cell to another that could just as well be at the other end of the cellblock. Yet for some reason most of them turned quiet at around 10 PM.

I got up and started assessing my situation again. The soldiers that brought me in last night were told to take away my weapons, my ear piece radio and my badge. That still left me with the clothes I had on me, and one of the inmates from a cell vis-à-vis with mine was already staring at me, wondering why am I not wearing an inmate suite. I still had my journal, my portable sleeve-mounted computer which was my direct link to Jasmine (my artificial intelligence), a pen and a marker with me; and that was pretty much all my inventory. But I wasn't worrying, I knew that all I had to do was wait for a guard to pass by and see that I don't belong there, then I could get out of here.

So with nothing to do I layed in the prison bed and started reading trough my journal and made some notes to kill off time. Eventually I heard footsteps on the lower level of the cellblock followed by some voices; finally a guard came in and started bringing in food plates to all the cells. I layed there relaxed, thinking that I was finally getting out, yet as that guard was coming closer and closer to my cell I thought I recognized her female voice, yet I wasn't sure from where.

I was making a note at the end of the journal when eventually she got in front of my cell and asked me if I was hungry. The second I heard the voice clearly I froze instantly and thought to myself "It can't be…" I knew she worked in the Prison Service, but I never thought while I was there that I would encounter her. So I lowered the journal from right in front of my face and I looked through the bars to see Sakura in a prison staff uniform carrying plates with food "Great… now my day's complete." She didn't look much different; the only thing I noticed changed was a scar on her neck. She didn't seem happy to see me at all either yet still she was surprised; she said that if there weren't cameras filming the cellblock she would taze me.

Afterwards she asked me what am I doing there, said last she heard I was in government and asked why am I not wearing a uniform. Of all the people in the world, she was the last I was looking to have a chat with at that moment, so I just told her that I was put in here for 'my own safety'. Afterwards she passed a food plate inside the cell and said she'll be back to get me in a suite after she finished feeding all the prisoners.

I didn't bother to tell her that won't be necessary; instead I just picked up the food plate. I haven't eaten anything for over 16 hours, so I said to myself I could just as well take a bite before I get out. That was until I took a swallow of those prison porgies, and maybe it was just me used to expensive government meals for some time now, but dam' did that taste like shit... that's when I got really angry at being there with all those lowlifes while I was supposed to be at the White House sorting this mess with Tierra.

I recalled Sakura saying something about the cameras surveying the cellblock, so I took the food off my plate and turned it upside down in my lap. Then I took out the marker I had with me and started writing something on the back of the plate. Afterwards I stood up and walked to the cell door, looking around the block until I spotted a camera that was just turning towards me. So I rose up the plate with the message facing the camera, the message I wrote was "FUCK YOU ARTHUR!" I'm pretty sure he received the message.

Then I threw the plate in the corner of the cell and walked to the wall on the opposite side of the bars, leaning my back against it and lowering myself to the ground with my head tilted backwards and eyes closed. "What the fuck am I doing here?" And so I sat there demoralized for a while until eventually Sakura returned, 'just what I needed more.' I don't recall what she said when she came back, but I just replied telling her with a very desolate voice that I need to make a phone call. So she told me to get up and put my hands trough the opening of the cell so she can cuff me. I rose up slowly and walked to the cell door, not looking forward to it at all. She made sure to tighten the cuffs as much as possible, think she almost cut my circulation, but I just clenched my teeth and remained silent, I just wanted to get this over with as soon as possible.

She told me to wait while she went to the control room to open the cell. When the door opened I walked outside slowly and looked around the cellblock. The prisoners were mostly looking to me, yet all of them were silent. I didn't know the exact procedure for this, and I sure didn't want to give her a pretext to use force on me, so I just waited in front of my cell until she came back. When she did she told me to move it already, so I walked down to the lower level of the block with my hands cuffed in front of me and she led me to the phone room. On our way there she said that she'll get me a shower and a suite after we're done with this. That thing got me wondering for a moment, was that an act of kindness or standard procedure? Or was it her way of telling me that I stink after being involved in a gunfight against four people, running for my life and sleeping in a cell bed in the same clothes I was wearing during the day?

Either way when we got to the telephone room she took off my cuffs and took out her tazer, waiting by the wall. She dared me to give her a reason to use it, but I wasn't in the position nor mood for this right now. To be honest really didn't mind the fact that she had such an aggressive attitude towards me, it spared me of a conversation I had no time nor nerves to hold at that moment. So I walked to a phone and dialed Arthur's private number, to which –of course- he didn't respond. So I called the office line, at that number our intern Sarah picked up, so I asked her to patch me on to Arthur. She told me he was busy at the moment, so I had to remind her that I am still her superior and I could still have her fired for her to eventually interrupt Arthur's masturbating session and patch me trough to him. I'll write down the exact conversation so you get a better idea of it.

Arthur: Secretary of Defense talking.

Me: Get me out of here right now and I promise I won't punch you in the middle of the White House when I get there.

Arthur: Can't do, I don't think you've learned to be less reckless yet.

Me: Listen you idiot… I need to get back to the White House, this is important; you can't have me waste my time here!

I was hearing Sakura making some comments in the background, but I didn't pay any attention to her, I was too focused on the phone call, I knew that if I didn't get him to get me out I wasn't going to get another phone call for a good amount of time in which I would still be stuck in prison.

Arthur: Oh come on, I'm sure it's not that bad, last time I checked your ex wife was working there, I'm sure she'll treat you –really- nice.

Me: Listen to me… I found out vital information during that meeting with the colonel and general of PRA, I know why they started this war!

After that reply he paused for a moment and continued on a more serious tone, obviously I managed to get his attention.

Arthur: What information would that be?

Me: You're not getting a piece of it until I get out of this shit hole!

And with that I slammed the phone shut and turned back to Sakura, telling her that that inmate suite won't be necessary after all, I was already confident I was getting out. Then I happened to notice two small entry wounds on her left arm that seemed like a fresh tazer mark, when I asked her about it she just told me to shut up. She proceeded to put my cuffs back on, extra tight on the wrists of course, but I knew I most likely had to endure this for only a couple of minutes more. And I was right, by the time we got back to the main prison block a message from the government came in, I could tell that by Sakura's disappointed expression when she took my cuffs off. She allowed me to walk outside, yet I didn't wait in front of the Department of Correction for long until she walked outside as well and walked up to me complaining about being the only one available at that hour that is stuck with me under government orders. Apparently Arthur decided that it would be faster -and more amusing- for her to escort me safely to the White House rather than to send someone from over there to pick me up.

I told her that I was sure as hell not enjoying this any more than she was, was we should just get this over with as soon as possible. At least now she had no authority over me, but the other way around. Still so I could get this over with faster I decided not to order her around and avoid an argument with her. However, on the way there we still started talking; still both our tones were far from friendly ones. I don't recall exactly what the initial topic was, I believe it had to do with the war against Tierra, however by the time we got inside the White House's parking lot we got to discussing about what exactly is "just" and what is not when she stated she could kill me to serve justice for my crimes against her and get away with it.

Still she didn't change her way of thinking, still she believed she was above all judgment and that she can be the judge of who lives, who dies and who gets a second chance or not. So practically nothing's changed in her ignorant way of thinking. To be honest I was a bit glad about it, because I knew that the time when she'd wake up to judge what she's done and realize that with this way of thinking the verdict on her would be worse than on anyone she'd judged so far. I knew that should that moment come before the end of her days, that would be when she would think of me, and should she realize all she's done, she would likely put a gun in her mouth and pull the trigger. I recall that until that moment comes, I asked her to forget I ever existed.

So that moment has not yet come for her to realize it, that means I don't have to worry about it and I can stay focused on the problems I have to solve. Still I found it a bit odd when while we were talking she asked me to give her a tour of the White House. I looked to my portable computer to see if there was anything urgent to do, and after I made sure that was not the case I decided to agree. So I walked her trough the White House showing her what there was to see, she seemed surprise I had an office there when I stopped by to see if Arthur was in. I had the army at my command yet she didn't expect me to have an office inside the White House? Obviously she didn't have much of an idea about our government's structure, yet even though that she didn't hold back to criticize our politicians whenever she got the chance.

Arthur wasn't there, yet he left me a note asking me write down a report regarding the events that took place the day before. I decided I could just as well do that later, so I proceeded to show her the rest of the White House, even the secret parts that citizens don't get to see, including the Emergency Situations Room, a bunker built one mile under ground where the government retreats in case of a nuclear, chemical or biological attack, or DEFCON 1 as we call it. That part seemed to be the only one that actually impressed her. At the end I showed her the roof and the balcony where I use to write in my journal. When she asked me about it I told her that indeed I kept writing. I waited there and looked to the pier once more as she was climbing on top of the building. I didn't really mind it, though it seemed a little bit childish.

Eventually she approached me as I was leaning on the edge looking out as clouds started to come in from the sea side. I heard her phone ring; the standard sound told me it was most likely a text message. She told me it was Ryan that was asking where she is. I wasn't surprised at all; I wasn't even surprised when he showed up there in less than five minutes to make sure we weren't fucking in my office. But then again… he is married to Sakura, so who can blame him? What he doesn't know is that I've been in his shoes, and so has Mark her first husband been before me. He however was not in our shoes yet, or at least I believe so, although he is most likely to be eventually when she decides to exploit another.

I already spent over three hours with the last person I was hoping to encounter that day, so I really didn't mind the second last person I wanted to see showing up. He didn't stay more than five minutes either way, he had work to do, he wasn't even supposed to be there, but still he came to make sure we weren't doing anything. In the brief time he was there he asked how a government 'dude' can be put in prison by National Guard soldiers, and I told him that is very possible if the order comes from a higher government 'dude'. Then I told him that he is free to address the government if he ever has any problems with the prison, it had something to do with what Sakura told me on the way there that they had a few incidents that were kept off the books so they didn't risk to get shut down, incidents in which men working at the prison lost their lives. It was her argument for the fact that we should implement the death sentence, to which of course I did not agree.

Before he left I just thought of mentioning that he should take a look at that tazer wound on her hand, thing for which she made sure to express the fact that she didn't agree with me telling him after he was gone, she said that she can barely get a moment alone given how he worries about her. But I just told her that I had no way to know about that and just thought I was doing something good.

Afterwards she left, and I turned to writing that report, now I need to think of an offensive strategy regarding the war. One thing is for sure, no further negotiation attempts will be made with these terrorists as the National Guard likes to call them. Not until we storm their parliament and have their executive officer and generals at gun point, just as they did during their so called negotiations meeting.

A funny thing was, when I eventually met up with Arthur and we talked about the events of yesterday that led to him throwing me in prison, I asked him what was the morale of all of this, and he replied "A good leader can't get too far ahead of his followers. Last night in jail you saw the lowest of your followers; it's a good think to keep in mind so you can avoid the hunger for power and the ego getting the best of you."

* * *

**A letter follows after this page of the journal.**

_Dear Madeline…_

_I'm sorry to tell you that your mother is still the same she was when she decided to take your life. I can very hardly see the woman I used to cal my love in such a posture, and I can very hardly speak to her as the only one I think of while hearing her voice and seeing her face is you, and what they've done to you…_

_I've told you in a previous letter that you gave me the power to forgive, and that is true… but I still can't help but think of what they've done, and how she continues to think she is the one to judge others, not thinking for one second of what she's done…_

_She told me today that there is only one crime I made against her that she cares about, one for which she would have me killed to serve justice. Well, I think I should have let her know that she could rest assure her biggest crime is not against me, but against someone else. Though I think I would have just wasted my breath._

_Still I carry on, still I try to look forward and not think of this. I don't wish your mother harm Madeline, you know I don't. I don't wish for her to fall under the judgment of someone that sees things the way she does. I just wish she would realize. One day, I still pray that one day she will realize what I tried to do when I didn't want to leave you with them, and I pray she will understand what she did._

* * *

**A note from the author: Dear readers… this journal has changed a lot since I first started it, and ever since every chapter became longer and more detailed I suspect that most of the small time readers that were browsing this already gave up on reading it further on, leaving only the readers that really enjoy this. I would appreciate it if the ones that are still reading the journal left me a review telling me what they think of the changes and where this got to. Please feel free to tell me your opinions weather positive or negative. Also I would like to remind you to check Sakura's Audio Log that can be found in the GTA section every now and then to see how some things look from Sakura's point of view, although the two characters have grown mostly separate in this story by now. Thank you for reading.**

**Radu George**


	21. 24-February-2015

24-February-2015

I know I made a lot of sins to God and to man… but do I really deserve this? Am I cursed to a lifetime of pain and torture? There is really nothing that could save me except the loaded barell of a gun in my mouth? I thought I've been through too much to take suicide as an option, now it seems like the only way out of this fight I no longer want to carry alone.

I was promoted to the position of Secretary of Defense after Arthur stepped down. And I did a great job-… for all the 24 hours I was in function. Let's just say I couldn't help it… the past eventually caught up to me and I ended up being recorded on tape when I was helping Arthur dispose of a liability. When word got to me from the people I had inside the government that I was under federal investigation I decided to skip country for a while after signing in my resignation. Twenty four hours… the shortest political position a man ever had in history. And Arthur still doesn't hesitate to make fun of this to this day.

I didn't stay away for long though, as I was needed back. After I made sure my record was clean and that all charges against me were dropped I returned to San Andreas and together with Arthur and Tyrone decided to bring back The Saints. I knew that the decision meant pissing on everything I worked to accomplish in the Department of Defense for so long, but for me it was more at stake than just principles. The Saints needed a leader, they needed me. And a man that doesn't find a reason to live for anymore can't be picky when a chance is given to him to live for a cause once more, whatever that cause might be…

And slowly but surely we began our rise to power in San Andreas once more. Soldiers, guns, influence, alliances, wars, murder, rescue, slaughter… hell it's all I've been doing for the last couple of months. And slowly I started feeding on it once more. The power, the success we had in Los Santos, San Fierro, the desert… countless times we faced certain death yet came on top victorious. I started feeling invincible again, untouchable. The world however has a way of bringing you back on the ground and just when you trough you don't feel the pain anymore, it gives you more than you could bear even when you were used to it.

Once I thought I had a reason to live again I started trying to move forward again. I met a woman while leading Saints. Her name is Catalina Santana, and she is one of the leaders of Los Santos Vagos, a Mexican street gang. It didn't take more than a couple of business dates for a spark to show itself, so slowly we moved on further together. I forgot how love for someone feels like for a long time now, nor thought I would have the chance to feel it again. I sure didn't miss the pain…

While I was away for a week, Josef, one of the leaders of the Russian mob here in San Andreas took interest in her, our gravest enemies at the time. And almost as if all history was repeating itself in front of my eyes, just like similar events that unfolded in 2012 she was kidnapped by Josef. Or at least so I thought. With a flame that has long been extinguished now lighting a path in front of me I went against all odds with Tyrone and Arthur at my side to save her, only that compared to three years ago, this time we weren't riding a Sanchez and wielding MP5 semi-automatics, but driving a retired FBI Rancher and wielding Combat Shotguns and M4A1 rifles. I got Catalina back, or at least so I thought I did. Funny what mirrors and smoke can do to someone desperate, clenching onto hope as the last thing to grip to avoid falling into the great abyss.

We got to the point of sharing a bed eventually, sharing love. I couldn't believe I actually found someone to share that with again. Turned out it wasn't something shared in truth, just charity. The night we spent together was last night. And here starts today…

I worked my usual routine of expanding our influence in San Fierro for most of the day, until I got a text from Catalina that told me she's free and wants to see me. So I put anything else on hold or assigned someone else to do it, then I headed over to her place. I don't remember much of it, just waking up on a hospital bed surrounded by my men. At first I felt scared because Catalina wasn't there; also I couldn't remember what happened, so I thought she might've gotten hurt. "What happened?! Where is she?!"

No one replied at first, so I tried to stand up and shout my question again. At that point Garrett held me down and pointed towards a bandage across my chest. It was then I actually felt the pain of the wound. I was shot, and it wasn't good. "Catalina-… she sold you out to the Russians..." I didn't understand at first, how could you understand something like that? How could you cope with something like that? How could you feed it to your mind that holds the door shut scared to death of such a concept…?

Apparently at some point after I got at her house I turned my earpiece on and said the words "It was an honor fighting alongside each of you. Don't go down without a fight." Afterwards a lot of voices were heard in the background amongst which Josef's, other Russian's, Vagos…

That made The Saints look for me, fortunately one of them knew where I was headed. When they got in I was surrounded by Russians and Vagos, and Catalina was there. She was never kidnapped by Josef; it was a set up all along. She was meant to get me away from the safety of my men and placed on a plate for the Russians. How do you let your mind accept something like that? How after all you've been trough, how do you tell a tortured man that when he thought at last he had a flame worth fighting for, it was actually just the artificial light of deception? I still can't remember what went on in that house, somehow my men managed to get me out alive, at the cost of many other lives. _**Why?! Why am I still alive to endure this curse?!**_

I started thinking myself untouchable, only so I could pray to God that someone skilled enough eventually gets to me and ends this misery for me.

I loved her… and the worst part about love is that you can't tell it when to go away. And once again the love that lingers on trough me is only a cause of more suffering and regret…

* * *

**This entry is written on a different page and has not yet reached the journal itself as it is not within Ace's possession at the moment.**


	22. 26-February-2015

26-February-2015

I walk amongst the tombstones, bringing back memories I had with the people now six feet underground. Death seems something so alien to me that I can hardly believe it's a part of life. When you think about someone that has passed away, you think of the moments you had with that person while alive, then you think of how he died. Few of us think of what they actually died for.

Most of the day consisted of routine business conducted through San Fierro. The days have slowly grown calm here on the hill. It's been over two days since I last heard the sound of someone firing a gun. However, with the coming of the evening one of our members, Richard asked me to leave for a couple of hours so he could visit the grave of his brother, Paul.

Paul Sinatra was part of The Saints before his brother Richard. I told Richard that it was the Russians that killed his brother when he came on my doorstep seeking to know what happened. From that day on he swore vengeance to Josef's Russian Mob, joining the ranks of The Saints. And that, was one of the greatest lies I ever told in my life. Paul wasn't in fact killed by the Russians; he was too smart for them…

When I and Arthur returned to San Andreas and brought The Saints back, we did together with Tyrone, Garrett and Castiel junior, the son of the man that first created "The Saints". We were the rightful leaders, the five of us were the only ones left with claim to The Throne, and so we led this together for a good amount of time. However we should have learned from the past how easily someone you call brother can shove a blade in your back.

During the time when the war between us and the Russians was waging, Castiel came to us with a plan to end this fight once and for all. The Russians gravely desired Arthur at that time for the countless of their members he has killed with the _Agency_, yet Arthur outsmarted them every single time and managed to get away even when facing almost impossible odds. So Castiel proposed a set up. He was to hand Arthur to the Russians in exchange for peace between them and Saints. Yet of course this was only a set up to get their leaders to assemble in one place away from safety. The plan was for Castiel and a few men to Take Arthur to the meeting point, while I and the rest of The Saints would be waiting in a spot out of sight to ambush the Russians and finish this once and for all.

It sounded like a good plan; we had tactical advantage and the element of surprise, so even if we suffered casualties it would save us a lot of men on the long run. So Castiel took Arthur with a few of our men in a car and drove out to the meeting point that was supposed to be at a farm in the middle of Flint County while I took the main force and parked at the gas station nearby, waiting for the signal to go in. If only we have learned not to take such things for granted…

I waited silently for a good while until I started getting nervous. Why wasn't he making the signal to go in? So I asked him on the radio what is the situation, after which silence prevailed for a while until the words were heard… "Change of plans." At that point I got scared, I drove up the hill to the farm with the main force as fast as I could, only to find that the place was empty.

Castiel never planned for us to save Arthur at the last moment, the actual meeting point with the Russians was in the Desert of Bone County where he was actually going to sell Arthur to Josef in exchange for peace with the new Saints that would be under his command and working side by side with the Russians. When I realized this I ordered everyone available to start a search and rescue operation, but when I did so Castiel told them to disregard my order and head back to The Compound on the edge of Las Venturas. At that time I and Castiel had the same authority over The Saints, and our orders were contradicting each other, so most of them were confused, not knowing who to listen to.

While we shouted at each other over the radio, the man that was sitting right next to me in the car pulled out a gun and aimed it at my head. "Call them back to the Compound. Now." I was stunned… Arthur was most likely dead by now because I allowed Castiel to lure him into a trap he could not get out of, and I found myself at gunpoint by my own men. For a moment there it felt like this was the end. Castiel was going to take over, and without me complying with the new leadership he would have most likely had me killed as well.

Yet there I did another mistake… I underestimated us. After all, we were moving mountains long before we knew we could…

Just when I was about to comply with the guy holding a gun at my head I saw a car approach the convoy. It was Neyo and his men, a group I enlisted in The Saints myself after the fall of the previous organization they were working for. Neyo and his small group were loyal to me, not to Castiel. At that moment I thought that there is a chance at least for myself if not for Arthur, until I looked to my portable sleeve-mounted computer that just got a message. "The Russians are dead, Castiel is next. Hold on, help is coming your way."

Apparently Arthur was not that stupid to go in there purely at Castiel's hands, so at some point he placed a bug on himself and set it to the Agency's frequency. After Castiel handed him to the Russians and left him there to die, they did the mistake to take their time with it. Should they have just pulled the trigger then it would have been over, but they had plans to take him back and torture him. A pleasure that costed them gravely.

Not two minutes after Castiel's departure from the scene, a Hunter class helicopter piloted by a corrupt National Guard officer working for us showed up at the scene along with a rifle squad. The machine gun and rockets took out the Russians so fast they could not even land a single bullet on either the helicopter or the soldiers. Unfortunately both Josef and Dimitry got away before the Hunter got there, but it left a crater where their men used to be so deep that they never even needed someone to dig a grave for them, just throw some dust over it.

After I saw the message on my portable computer I raised my look to Neyo that noticed the fact that I was at gunpoint already. I simply nodded to him once while the guy next to me was shouting for me to give the order already. "Follow my car."

And with those words I started leading the convoy towards Las Venturas. When we eventually got to the highway I checked the side mirrors and noticed that Neyo's car was flashing its headlights. So I asked the one holding me at gunpoint: "I am giving you one last chance to walk out of this alive mate… drop the gun." To which he replied: "No, and if you ask me one more time you'll be eating a bullet."

"Suite yourself…"

And with those words I pulled the steering wheel to the right quickly, driving the right side of the car right in the head of the bridge that was coming ahead at 60 miles an hour. The airbags kicked in, yet the way the man was holding his gun made it fall right out of his hand, both of us and the ones in the back getting a hard hit. I didn't waste any time and delivered landed a few punch on the guy, using my foot to kick him out of the car and onto the concrete of the highway. The whole convoy stopped and everyone got out. At this point The Saints was divided into two, the ones loyal to me and the ones loyal to Castiel. And so the fight on the highway began. Saints were fighting against Saints.

Once again the odds seemed to turn on me when Castiel and the men he took with him initially arrived at the scene; at this point my men were outnumbered by Castiel's. What Castiel didn't realize was that right behind him was Arthur alongside The Agency chasing him down with desire for vengeance. As soon as they got there they joined my side, and the odds turned once more in our favor. It didn't take long until the gunfight in the middle of the highway caught the attention of the Los Santos Police Department that scrambled all the units it had in the area to the scene. And just like every time we were able to tell a threat from another, and as soon as the cops got there and surrounded us we ceased fighting each other and instead fought together to force the cops to retreat, after which going straight back to shooting each other.

Eventually after a bold stunt, Arthur managed to take down Castiel and end all this. We knew there was no time to loose; the police department would eventually scramble the National Guard to our location if we didn't get out of there soon. And this time a few corrupt officers wouldn't be enough to save us, so we took the men we had left and retreated to our Compound in Las Venturas. After that point I took full command of The Saints and held a speech to our fallen brothers, promising this would never happen again.

Richard's brother… Paul Sinatra, was amongst the Saints loyal to Castiel, and died that day on the highway by our hand. Yet when his brother came to my doorstep I told him that it was the Russians that killed him. I didn't do it to unleash his vengeance upon my enemies; I did it because I didn't want him to know his brother died fighting for the wrong cause. I couldn't. As if right or wrong wouldn't be such relative terms. Who knows what was right for Paul that day…

So today I denied his request to go off and visit his brother's grave, instead I called all the Saints to assemble and we all went there together. We went and picked red roses from a local flower shop. When I was picking them I cut myself in one of their thorns and some blood spilled over one of the roses. The two reds were so close to each other that I stopped for a moment and admired it. It felt as if there is a hidden layer of beauty behind this world of destruction. As if even though we are doing bad things, there was good to be found in all those deeds.

And so we went to the cemetery in San Fierro where most of the Saints that are no longer with us reside. I spent some time with Richard at his brother's grave as emotions took a hold of him, trying to convince him that his brother died as a hero, and that he should be proud of him. Eventually I allowed him some time alone and moved on to see the other graves, leaving a couple of roses over each one, taking my time, thinking about each Saint that died while passing the tombstones, most of them dyeing under my command. Until I reached the gravestone marked with the name "Castiel Hasbury".

When I thought of him, I didn't think of him as a traitor. He already paid the price for his actions, every single man and woman that reside in that cemetery did. I thought of him as a friend of old. I believe that if there is any form of life after death then in that afterlife we go only with a sanity of mind unconceivable on this world. We remember every single act, every single feeling we ever had as if it happened moments ago. And so I believe that should we all meet there, we would choose to be friends once more. Castiel, Croxin, me, Arthur… even Sakura. Maybe after all we did to each other in this world we would still be able to go there and put all of this behind us, being the close friends we were in our childhood in Willowfield. Maybe it could all be as it was at the beginning after this world is done with us.

I dropped the last rose over Castiel's grave, realizing it was the precise rose that I stained with my blood. And as I looked at the two shades of red, I started thinking about my last name, how it was all connected for a moment.

* * *

**This entry is written on a different page and has not yet reached the journal itself as it is not within Ace's possession at the moment.**


End file.
